What is Academic Masturbation?
1.
When a professor assigns an article in which they are cited for the sole reason of reminding students how much they know. It can be one citation or ten, if they're referenced, you're reading it for class.
A: Did you read those articles for class today?
B: Yeah. Professor Smith was referenced in three of them. Total act of academic masturbation on his part.
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2.
1. Any discussion with someone when they claim great theoretical or hypothetical; not practical, realistic, or directly useful knowledge designed to make themselves feel good, and to leave you feeling like a sticky mess.
2. Any discussion where claimed knowledge is discussed where the discussion is of great personal pleasure for the Academic Masturbator, but any others find it offensive and gross.
1. The public debate was railroaded by some bigot that just spewed hours of academic masturbation.
2. I hate having her in our study group since all she offers is academic masturbation.
THREE EXAMPLES OF ACADEMIC MASTURBATION:
Four Year Old Example: My daddy is better than your daddy because he's a fireman. Besides, you're a poopoo head.
Dungeon and Dragons Example: There is no way your 3 hit-die Orc could kill my level 3 Halfling thief! (four hour argument ensues)
Theology Example: The end is coming soon and God will kill you heathen scum that heretically believe that the earth is over 6,000 years old. Furthermore, I am NOT an animal!
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