What is Alimony?
1.
A program started in the 1920's to 1930's to support women who's job was to stay home and take care of the kids and run the house. Women were not allowed or encouraged to work, and as so, were unable to support themselves after a divorce. Somehow, the program has continued until this day, since the modern woman is apparently still unable to care for herself, or provide for herself. The system is flawed in several ways, the main one being that if the modern day family decides to keep the "mom/honey bunny" at home, the dad must usually find a high paying job or work much overtime to make up the missing income from his loving spouse staying at home. Its a good deal the first year as mom has playdates for the kids, dinner on the table, clean house, etc. After the novelty of marrige for the woman has worn off, after about 12 months, The downward spiral begins. Mom stops cooking, spends the day out shopping with friends, banging everyone but their husband, no dinner cooked when the husband gets home, and sure as hell no clean underware in the drawer. Credit card debt starts just to pay the monthly bills, Husband tries to get MORE overtime to keep credit cards from building and that helps for a while. Just want to make honey bunny happy and give her everything she desires...right?! After year #3 the husband starts to think in the back of his mind that they are in trouble, Wifey poo knew after the first year when she started banging the mail man, cable guy, and everyone at the local bar. Creditcard debt is at the $20,000 - $30,000 range due to numerous Home Shopping Network purchases ( I mean, what else the fuck is she suppose to do when she is at home, alone, all day???)Eventually, she gets one of her fuck buddies to propose to her, I mean the worthless son of a bitch she has been married to is never home, always working, and always bitching about the bills. "Bastard never gives me any money" is a common chant...and a justification to start stashing the grocery money every week and start putting that bill on the credit card too. Divorce comes, and of course the lifestyle that your little princess has become accustomed to needs to continue, so alimony needs to start. She gave you the best years of her life, stayed home so she could......well, stayed at home and could not enter the work place so you owe her, big time. Of course with her nursing degree she can get a job anywhere (that was paid for by you too!) but she could not possibly continue to be a member of the country club on her $60,000 a year salary. Of course the Alimony amount is figured on your 2 job, 80 hour a week income as well as the
Ex Wife: Ohhh, my Alimony check is here, lets go shopping
Ex Wifes Friend: Sounds like a plan, how much you got?
Ex Wife: I get $1500 plus $1500 child support.
Ex Wifes Friend: Damn!!! What a deal
Ex Wife: I know, I know. Im trying to get my new boyfriend to propose so I can do it again. I figure I will have 3 or 4 ex's before its all said and done. That will be some serious bank!!!
Ex Wifes Friend: Amen sister. Men are such assholes huh?
Ex Wife: Tell me about it. Pass me another bon-bon and lets get HSN on the TV.....Kiiiiids, get mama another beer!
See
2.
The fucking you get for the fucking you got.
"I'd leave the worthless, no-hummer givin' bitch, but the alimony would kill me."
3.
Basically, she has the legal right to take your house, your money, everything you worked so hard your entire life to get, and your balls.
Nathaniel had to pay alimony to his wife Janetta after two years of marriage, despite the fact that she has already been divorced six times before.
See
4.
That wife you love so much, the little honey buns who you thought was an angel? Well, she's going to castrate you. Once she's done with that, she'll take your kids, put a restraining order on you with a false accusation, and then she'll take everything that rightfully belongs to YOU. After this, you must followed with a series of payments to support her, even if she is perfectly able to work.
Yes, my friend, welcome to the world of alimony. You better pray that the child support (which WILL inevitably come) does not toss your castrated balls into the grinder to make food for the dogs.
Judge: You make 30,000 a year, so you must give your wife 15,000. Oh, and your child support is $300 a month.
Guy: Good-bye comfort and hello hunger...
5.
uh...Shawn sweetie, you forgot one..............
.......pre-nup
