What is Bert?
1.
When having anal sex, pulling out your dick and smearing shit between the girls/guys eye brows leaving a unibrow. Like Bert & Ernie.
I gave that bitch a bert...
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2.
I mean, come on, BERT and ERNIE have been living together since 1969. Something is up.
3.
A random dude who remains nameless to you, usually at a party or other gathering.
Yo Bert, is that your half-empty beer?
4.
Having your girlfriend doggie style, and placing a glow stick in her rear. Then sneaking out to watch tv in the other room while she wonders what your doing.
Man I got my girl good last night, I gave her a Bert then watched the Discovery channel.
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5.
A code name used when talking about your boss in public. This protects you from the unlikely event that the person at the next table is the boss' next door neighbour, brother, in-law or tennis partner.
Joe: "I hear Bert's new girlfriend has a bit of a coke habit"
Gary: "I'd like to hang that prick over a river of burning acid and give scissors to the last 5 people he has destroyed".
Joe: "Yeah, me too. I hate Bert"
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6.
Multiple Usage
Term used for misfortune, badluck, substandardness.
Org: Originates from Derry in Northern Ireland where a local chip shop, named Berty O'Neills, famed for its bad chips, was coined into a phrase for most bad things.
Original the whole term was used.
"Went to see a movie. It was pure berty o'neills".
Later shortend to "Berties".
"Drinking alcholic free beer is pure berties"
and finally to Bert.
"Went up the town and all the shops where closed. Pure bert"
Can also be used:
"Did you see that bert. He just flipped his berty bike and landed on his head. Bert one"
trans: "Did you see that idiot. He just flipped his stupid bike and landed in his head. Shit one"
berty - Used before a person, place, thing
Bert One - Shit one
Bertness - Shityness
Ya Bert - You Idiot.
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7.
Small.
"You're too Bert to ride the rollercoaster, I'm afraid."
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