What is Big Maroon?
1.
A homosexual rapper from the Waltham St Lawrence area of Berkshire. Beginning his career in the late 1990s, Big Maroon released the now-legendary EPs "Marooned in Men" and "Bigger then Mohammed" before using his tri-county notoriety to embark on a short-lived stint in London's west-end. The Andrew Lloyd-Wanker musicals "Aspects of Lust" and "Joseph and his amazing technicolour television" were lauded by critics as "the most exciting evidence yet that man has spawned a half-ape half-human creature that can dance and sing, albeit while dislocating improper joints and dribbling a bit". Big Maroon returned to rapping in 2005 with the entirely forgettable 5-track EP "Maroon Five". The demo was seen as an effort to get back on track and secure a major-label album deal, but hope was understandably quashed when EMI, BMG, Sony and Time-Warner all held a joint press-conference specifically to laugh at it.
He can now by found by googling the phrase "Biggathanjesus"
kid 1: Hey have you got that new Big Maroon CD?
kid 2: No my old ash-tray is still cool
kid 1: No i mean have you listened to his new shit?
kid 2: oh well i heard him on 1-xtra but from the sounds of it, they ran the accoustics of male-to-male passion through a god-damn interpreting machine and then pissed on the speakers
kid 1: I thought it was alright?
*kid 1 is instantly gutted with a crow-bar in an unrealistically violent fashion*
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