What is Chappaqua?
1.
A town in upper Westchester, similar to Scarsdale, but for the more elite and less nouveau-riche. Formerly more popular among the privately wealthy before names like Larry David, Jeff van Gundy, and of course, the Clintons came to town.
"We looked at houses in Scarsdale, but it's just too jejune for our tastes. I moved to Chappaqua instead."
2.
The general consensus is that this town is the most unnaturally sheltered environment one could ever reside in. Which is why its NOT smart to raise kids here despite popular belief. An aging and isolated hamlet in Northern Westchester, truly lacking in diversity and overall quality of life. The whole 'town' shuts down by the early evening. Although even before the town closes, there's a pitifully scarce amount of things to do still, and many of the towns inhabitants have attitudes, are rude, obnoxious, and pay unnecessarily high taxes for an overly competitive school system that's been steadily declining in nationwide ratings since 2003. Most young adults leave instinctively upon completing there high school education because the town has very little to offer to say the least. Living here is also very costly and unaffordable, and has a very dreary and depressing feel to it with its limited woodsy surroundings and hills. Neighboring towns like Pleasantville to the South, or Mount Kisco to the North are within 10 minute proximity and also have a thousand times more of a real world feel compared to the undesirable, sheltered, and conservative, town of Chappaqua.
"Johns parents insisted that Chappaqua would be a marvelous place to live and raise a family, until John was immersed into the sheltered and disappointing excuse for a town."
"I can't believe I pay such high taxes, this middle school is decrepit, looks like a castle, and smells like garbage."
"There's really nothing to do here is there, besides walk around, eat pizza, and be given loose change and pennies on Halloween instead of candy by local retailer Squires."
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3.
the richest town in Northern Westchester. Home to JAPs, jews, and maybe 2 black families. The public schools are more like private schools and the houses are bigger than the apartment buildings in NYC. The high school parking lot has nicer cars than all of the facility put together. Little 4-year-old girls are wearing designer clothes from head to toe, let alone high schoolers. All of the guys customize their shoes and buy new pairs every week. Summers are spent at camp and in the hamptons, winters in Aspen and the caribbian. In the 7th and 8th Grade Bar/Bat Mitzvahs take up all of the weekends with more than 150 to go to. Most often than not, only the father works and he brings in more money to take care of 50 other families in the town. All through high school, there are many parties attended where all the kids get wasted and are high. Every girl falls for every guy and is a total whore and slut. No parent cares what their child is doing on a friday and saturday nights, even if they are drinking and getting high. Chappaqua is the most spoiled town in Northern Westchester.
"Where do you live?"
"Chappaqua..."
"Ewww you JAP. Jappaqua, she's from Jappaqua"
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4.
A small town in Westchester, NY. 97% of this town is full of shit. The highschool kids get piss drunk and incredibly high every weekend because it's all they have to do. The cops always bust their faggot-ass parties. Almost everyone is Jewish and rich. Everyone talks about everyone behind each others' backs. Most of the girls are total sluts and a lot of the guys think they are "gangster". It is extremely rare to find a great guy or girl in Chappaqua, and if you do, it's probably because they didn't grow up there. At the highschool, Horace Greeley Highschool, the homecoming dance is a giant orgy and all the girls (who are pale, have bad skin, and dress like skanks) hook up with 6+ guys in one night. Most of the girls here are shallow dumbasses with nothing better to do than permanently straighten their hair and wear Abercrombie so they can stick their small asses out. Not to mention, the girls are also total bitches. Chappaqua used to be "okay" considering the fact that girls didn't used to be as slutty, and the parties consisted of more than drinking and hooking up with everyone, but now it's total shit. You don't make it very far in highschool as a girl if you're not fake and hot. The sophomores victimize you if you are a freshman girl and they always think they're better than everyone else. Everyone has a dying need to go to 6 different people's houses in one night because one party at one house is clearly not enough. On AIM, most girls from this town taalkkk likeee thissss loll hahaaa. <33 lyl Freshman tend to get drunk every weekend too because they are puny little underclassmen that seek acceptance by partying and drinking. The parents of these obscene kids don't know how bad they are because they don't actually like their kids at all and don't give a damn about the fact that their "perfect little angels" are actually getting high and having sex all the time. Nearly everyone is fake, and if you end up living there I will pray for you.
**NOTE
Not all people from Chappaqua are like this. But MOST ARE. Beware. I live here, and can't stand how ridiculous this town is.
Girl from Chappaqua: Ohmmygoddd I hooked up with Dan lastt night I was likkee soo highh I don't even remember hahaaa. But I kind of want to hook up with Greg nowwww he's so hottt =] <3
Girl from outside of Chappaqua: Wow. You are clearly from Chappaqua.
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5.
a boring, small town in northern westchester. it isn't your typical suburb, there are no sidewalks, and the only shop owners that know your name are the nail salon ladies and people in that wrap place.
the "cool" people are either the fake hipsters in "vintage" clothes or the annoying japs in steve madden boots and leggings.
parties consist of pregaming, hooking up with as many people as you can, and pretending to not remember anything the next morning. everyone smokes weed once in their life if you live in chappaqua, and everyone fakes being high/drunk too. no excuses.
also, if you're friends with older kids, you're automatically a complete tool. it's so incredibly cliquey and boring.
there is a tremendous amount of pressure to go to a good school. it's not the biggest deal in the world if you're going to yale, since half of your grade is going to cornell anyways. but if you're going somewhere that doesnt require above a 3.5 average and thousands of extra-curricular activites, you get strange looks from everyone.
Person: So, where are you from?
Me: Chappaqua.
Person: Oh, that's cool. So, what Ivy League are you going to?
Chap Jap: I totally got these new leggings yesterday!
Chap "Hipster": Ew, she's so annoying. Plus, that outfit would look so much cooler with these Urban Outfitter tights i have in every color at home.
Person: Want to pregame at my house before Stan's? Seriously, how much would parties here suck if we weren't totally wasted the whole time?
Girl 1: I hooked up with 3 people last night.
Girl 2: Well, I remember hooking up with 4, but apparently, from what Mary told me, I hooked up with like 17!
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6.
Pronounced "Shappaqua", the Mohican word for "a quiet place with a roaring brook". Chappaqua is a quiet hamlet in Westchester County about 40 miles from NYC. They have an excellent school system, which in turn creates the highest taxes per towns in the U.S. (as of 2007). The town has 18 Churches and 1 Synagouge, it was originally founded by Quakers, which is also the names of the High School teams. The median household goes for $570,000 making it an expensive town to buy property in, but its lack of crime, pristine road ways, lush property, and "Mom and Pop" style town, keep it popular to young families and those wishing to be close to the City.
Chappaqua is roughly 68% Catholic, 32% Other. Most homes carry at least 1 acre of property and there are still thousands of acres of woodland. A shooting Club, a beautiful Library, and the Readers Digest H.Q. are among the notable sites in this New Castle town.
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7.
A hamlet in northern Westchester County, New York, replete, unfortunately, with illiterate antisemitic ingrates. A quiet, low-crime, high achievement enclave a short train ride away from any excitement, bustle, or, if you prefer, depravity.
I failed my preschool SAT's and can't get into private school, with its $30,000 per year per child tuition, and my low I.Q. put Stuyvesant out of reach, so my family had to move to Chappaqua.
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