Christian Taliban

What is Christian Taliban?


1.

These are fundamentalist Christians who believe in establishing a theocratic state based on Biblical doctrine. Most of the world's Christian Taliban reside in the mid-western and southern United States of America. A growing ethnic minority in the region, these populations tend to be poorly educated, isolationist, and fun-loving in the great tradition of the late 17th century (they advocate flogging of children, burning of witches, stoning for various and sundry offences, and greeting foreigners with a cheery "You're going to Hell, praise God!"). For some inexplicable reason, they are also fascinated with all matters sexual: homosexuality, human reproduction, "man-on-dog," and so forth. A visitor to the Christian Taliban homeland should note that these topics never fail to "break the ice" and elicit spirited conversation with the locals.

News report, year 2020:

"Although much progress has been made in the past year, there are still Christian Taliban reported hiding in the mountainous regions of northern Georgia. Chief among those wanted for human rights violations is Mullah James Dobson, whose Family Research Council issued a statement carried last week by redneck-language television network Fox News promising death to all infidels...this was prefaced by the beheadings of a lesbian couple..."


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