What is Christmas Zombie?
1.
(n): The first historical recording of the undead desiring flesh. This particular recording is found in Chapter 28 of Matthew in the Bible. It reads; "Ye, and did Jesus from the grave cometh, with a look of hatred in his eyes and a stock of flies surrounding his crown. His skin was tinted greeneth, and his mouth did drip of blood. He approachethed me an..OH GOD!"
Of course the "OH GOD" was added from a spectator, as Matthew found himself quite incapacitated/digested.
EX.1
Santa: "Hey Jesus! You've been a naughty Christmas Zombie this year."
Jesus: "Greeeaaaaayaaargh!"
Santa: "Ho...ho...ho?"
Jesus: "Braaaaaaaaains!"
Santa: "OH GO NO!!!"
"indistinct devouring sounds"
EX.2
Ted: "Dear lord, please forgive my sins...Jesus? What are you doing under my bed?"
Jesus: "BRAAAAAAIIIINS!"
"Indistinct 'death of Ted' sounds, including, but not limited to, crunch, snarf, munch,
jager , bamf, biff, pow, andsnuffleupagus ."
See
2.
Jesus.
And every year, we give gifts to appease the ghost of Christmas zombie Jesus.
See
3.
Days before Christmas, people become blind and get tunnel vision, casuing them to only see what is in front of them, putting them into a trance like state while looking for the perfect gift. This effect usually happens two days before christmas.
Guy: Dude, what was up with that chick driving the Esclade, she almost hit you.
Guy 2: Fuck her, she was a christmas zombie.
See
