What is Consultant?
1.
A man who knows 500 different ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
The gov't. mistakenly hired a plethora of consultants to find a solution to the problem.
2.
A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
"The consultant said that, once he has some free band-width, he will interface with his vast array of important contacts, leverage some syergies, and bring us up to speed with the rest of the industry.....No, really, those were his exact words."
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3.
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then walks off with it
a consultant is a legitimate, occasionally usefull professional adivser
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