What is Dean Guitars?
1.
Makers of the finest guitars known to man. The guitar of choice for Dime, the Schenkers, Leslie West, Randy Davis, and countless others, these near-mythical musical instruments have been known to increase guitar playing ability, cure leprosy, double penis size, turn any guitarist into an instant hero, vaporize bras/panties/female inhibitions, change water to wine, increase IQ by twofold, cure IBS, boil water on contact, destroy all enemies, inspire EMO tools to pursue a career in real metal, reduce the oil consumption of high-mileage vehicles, grow new hair in funny places, change the most diehard Brokeback Jay into all that is Man.
Ian: Dude! What happened to Jay? He can barely walk!
Brandon: He played my DFH and his kneecap was crushed by the immense weight of his newfound elephant penis. Then he graduated Harvard and impregnated 764,995 women with superhuman fetuses. The other 5 women exploded because the supersperm were playing Dean guitars and their weakened wombs could not handle the righteous thunder spewing forth from the inside.
Ian: That'll happen.
Brandon: That will happen.
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