Dr. Evil

What is Dr. Evil?


1.

My father was a relentlessly self-improving lingerie salesman with low-grade narcolepsy and a panchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, make outrageous claims like he had invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. My childhood was pretty typical. Summers in Rangoon, louge lessons, in the spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At 13 I met an Austrian barber-surgeon named Wilma. She ritualistically shaved my testicles. There's nothing like a freshly shorned scrotum. It's breathtaking, you should try it.

Throw me a frikkin bone here, will ya?

Just kill that little bastard, see if I care.

2.

You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!

From the moment I heard Frau

Said I had a clone

I knew that I'd be safe

Cuz I'd never be alone

An evil dr. shoudnt speak alot about his feelings

My hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing

I'd hope Scott

Would look up to me,

Run the business of the family

Had an evil empire,

Just like his dear old dad

Give him my love and the things he never had

Scott would think

I was a good guy

returned the love I have

make me wanna cry

Be evil, but had my feelings too

Changed my life with Oprah and Mya Angelou

But Scott rejected me

C'est la vie

life is cruel,treat you unfairly

Even so, a God there must be

Mini Me, you complete me.

See Dr Evil

3.

The funniest Belgian evil genius ever. Stars in the movies series of Austin Powers.

All I asked for was sharks with frikin' laser beams attached to their heads!

Ow! You shot me you a-hole!

4.

The sexual/conquering act of shoving a globe up someone's ass.

I don't think you'd like it very much if I shoved a globe up your ass and shouted: "THE WORLD IS MINE!!"

5.

The princess of Canada who named his left testile Pith and his right testicle Vinegar. Has a son named Scott Evil which was the result of cloning from Dr. Evil's sperm.

"I asked for a fricking rotating chair, not one that's possessed by the Devil!"

"Well don't look at me like I'm fricking Frankenstein, give your father a hug!"


98

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