What is Dungannon?
1.
Ever wondered what happens to all that mess that you flush down the toilet? the UK government thought that by stashing it all in northern ireland they could cut deep-ocean storage costs....a tragic misjudgment....for once the piles of used condoms, human excrement and other assorted sewage reached critical mass, they became self-aware, and forth sprang the town known as "Dungannon" (literally ("Oh shit!") in the old tongue.
The Dungannon horde was rocked by the recent discovery of fire, and now the stereotype of the locals participating in the so-called "Dunny roll" to keep warm is becoming increasingly outdated. Indeed- many of the old opinions of outsiders (or "kwaaar jishalaiwhewhgqres" to the natives of dungannon) are no longer applicable.
Having been shunned by technology, inward investment, education, basic health facilities, tourists, other irish people, inter and intra governmental organisations, charities, volunteer organisations, flora, fauna, evolution, religion and natural law, Dungannoners are a very self sufficient group. once every dungannon week (more or less 6 hours depending on how good at counting the one in charge of studying the lice of the chieftain is) the locals engage in a ritual designed to celebrate their self sufficiency and survival instinct, in which they "recycle" liquids which they recently drank.
Dungannon is twinned with a badgers' den in Scotland, and enjoys the disticntion of being "wesern europe's answer to area 51".
Explorer Monthly Travel Magazine: I have Just arrived in Dungannon, and am phoning in my travel report since one of the locals ate my notepad. I wish to begin by saying what an absolute ********* this place is, and I cannot believe that the inhabitants of this last bastion of the stone age are...wait, what are you doing!?? GET OFF ME!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........<chomp chomp.... chew.... scratch.....burp...>"
"Ohhhh....dodgy curry tonight Dave....need to go for a Dungannon"
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