What is Earthen Mother?
One who is constantly preoccupied in the quest to *flails hands in raver-like motion*... "FIND HERSELF." An earthen mother's hair often resembles a nest of rhododendrons. They often wear... BURLAP. They have a sickening amount of respect for the environment and often protest to such things as radioactive waste dumps in... YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK. Their arms are covered in serpentine bangles. The snare drum is their closest companion in life. It doesn't judge them. Overall, they tend to resemble a trumpet. If named Kara, it must be pronounced "KAHHH-RA". Using microwaves is punishable by death. Meditation among the butterflies is a required practice. SNAGGLETOOTH.
The earthen mother's grotesque pork-like head touched me and I smelled of brine and beef liver for three days.
I saw a special on the Good Samaritan Network where a stay-at-home dad was crotch-handled by an earthen mother for using the toaster.