What is English Patient?
1.
Verb) The act of sitting down and defecating at the same time. This, in turn, will make feces fill the anal crevasse upon which the owner of said feces will wait until said feces forms into hard crust. This, can then in turn, be used as a dagger or a boomerang in which small children and hemophiliacs can enjoy. Corn bits and other nondigestive foods add to the aerodynamics as well as the sharpness of the finished product.
For the talent show, Beirne made an English Patient on stage and decided to use it as a microphone until he became hungry and ate it.
