What is European Drinking Rules?
1.
A list of rules devised to make certain that landmark nights out are as legendary (i.e. everybody well and truly lashed) as possible. They are as follows:
1. The word "Drink" and any of its derivatives such as "Drank" or "Drinking" etc, may not be used.
2. Glasses should be held with the off-hand (left hand for a right-hander) with the pinkie raised off the glass.
3. Glasses should rest a safe distance from the table's edge, usually about 2 inches at least.
4. No pointing at anyone - this is just plain rude.
5. Empty glasses should be replaced immediately by a new beverage.
6. Vessels which are non-conducive to downing i.e. bottles must be replaced with glasses.
7. Every person must keep a copy of their rules on an A4 sheet at all times
8. Nobody shall refer to another by their first name, only by surnames, nicknames or by "oi, you" etc.
9. The toilet-master must be asked permission whenever a person needs to go to the john. He'll almost always grant it.
10. The thumb-master can at any point place their thumb on the drinking surface. Everybody else must follow suit, until there is one person who hasn't.
11. The pose-master is similar to the thumb-master, however others must follow suit when they strike a pose (could be anything from a frown to an impression of Michaelangelo's David) until one person hasn't.
12. Weights-and-measures master determines forfeits for rule-breaking individuals.
Failure to comply with rules 2, 3 or 6 results in the downing of the rule-breaker's current drink. Failure to comply with rules 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11 results in a forfeit determined by the weights-and-measures master.
At the end of the night, everybody in the party must make a paper plane out of their copy of the rules. Then everybody will take it in turns to throw their plane. The owner of the plane which travels least furthest must undergo a major forfeit, decided by the weights-and-measures master. So too must people who have lost their rules.
"Smith, have I just seen you swigging that bottle of bud with your right hand? Get it downed."
"How many beverages have you imbibed tonight, Johnson?"
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