What is Excalibur?
1.
What the lady of the lake presented to Arthur, King of the Britains.
The who?
The Britains.
Who're the Britains?
You - I - We all are!
And I am your king.
Well I didn't vote for you.
You don't vote for kings
Oh, well I could be king then.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no base for a system of government. Let's face it: If I went around saying I was emperor because some broad launched a scimitar at me, they'd cart me away!
2.
Excalibur was given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake AFTER he had already become King of Brittan by taking the sword from the stone and anvil outside of the church in London.
Excalibur was given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake along with a magic scabbard which provented him from ever loosing blood
3.
The Excalibur is when you plunge your phallic sword into the butt of an unsuspecting damsel. In surprise, she clentches her quivering ass cheeks together, clamping your meat saber in the dark recesses of her "dragon's lair." Now, you must choose your destiny by pulling your sausage machete out of her butt jungle. If you can accomplish such a feat, you will become the king you were born to be. And then hoagie slap her with your shit-covered dick.
"Hey, Wanda, why are you sitting on a hemorrohid donut?"
"Because some gas station attentant performed the Excalibur on me in the women's restroom and became a king. Heavy lies the crown, and heavy lies my rectum, which is dripping out of my anus."
"Hey, Carla, can you pick my sphincter up? It fell on the floor after a hobo did the Excalibur to me last night."
See
4.
When you're having sex with a girl and just as you're climaxing you pretend that you're penis is stuck. Then, you pull it out with your hand and yell "Excalibur!" as you beat off on the girl (or guy if that's what you're into).
"Dude, if you add "excalibur," it's gonna be like the fiftieth sex move on Urban Dictionary involving skeeting on a girl."
See
5.
The chilly splash of toilet water that hits the anus after letting loose a huge piece of feces.
Whooa, Hahhh! -just had an Excalibur!
See
6.
When engaging in fisting, insert arm to the wrist, grab hold of anything loose and pull violently.
Excuse me honey, but being your knight in shining armor I feel it is only fair that I show you EXCALIBUR!
7.
Actual sword given to Arthur by his servant, Merlin, who was supposedly a magician.
Excalibur can be decoded - ensis caliburnus, by Celtits (haha), meaning 'the calibian sword'
The Sword has an origin from the east part of the world, given to this king. Read the Last Legion by Valerio Massimo Manfredi and go to the Author's Note to find accurate details.
The whole sword in the stone legend must have been bullshit. Sword magically stuck to an Anvil? Wtf? But the Arthurian Legend about the king was partly fact.
