What is Fang Kai?
1.
A Chinese slang which is used to refer to people who are extremely cool and revered by your average Joe or regular book-loving, gaming schwoar (or sore) losers. However, due to the misuse of this word by Singaporean teenagers, it is also used loosely to refer a variety of meanings. Some of the more common usages of this term include:
1. An extremely popular person who is deemed as cool, usually sporting streetwear such as brown jackets and blue caps.
2. Gaming sore losers, who learn to always quit, even though it's common for people not to succeed in their first attempt at a game. Also known as schwoar loser.
3. A muscular person, especially someone who can lift 1.25kg dumbbells and do 40 pounds on the pectoral fly machines and dated by female gym-goers.
4. Someone who destresses by making racist jibes, especially religious jokes against Christians.
5. A handsome person who resembles many movie characters.
6. A rude person.
7. The famous Singaporean breakdancer, who will be performing in Swiss Redbull BC 2007. May also refer to school dropouts who squander their time breakdancing at Esplanade's tunnels.
8. A premature arsonist, who detonates petards.
9. The McDonalds advertisement in Singapore, promoting the Fan-tastic burgers and casting breakdancers who perform windmills.
10. Posers who abuse the interjection "SCHWOAR!" instead of using the more common "Whoa!" to express their appal.
11. Students who express their disgraceful childhood by doodling very dark, very dark images on their test papers.
12. Punk who loves asswiping geeks and their Einstein-time-theory jokes.
Disclaimer: All of the characters mentioned here are purely fictitious and any resemblance of them with any real-life people are purely coincidental. Pardon me in advance for the long examples I have to use to accurately elaborate on the meaning of the term Fang Kai.
1. Faizil Kahim: Hey Cain Xavier, please take a picture of me with a brown b-boy's jacket and a Bristow cap please. I want to see if I look as cool as Natural Effect's Sonic.
Cain Xavier: Oh man, relax. You are already a Fang Kai. You look smart, talk smart, and you are one of the coolest guys in class.
2. Fredrich Kanchevsky: What the ---. My Orcs got pwned in like, 4 seconds after the game starts. Fuck that man. I am going to uninstall
Warcraft III .
Benson Lai: Oh man, stop whining like a schwoar loser. Anymore crying like a baby and I am going to tease you for being a Fang Kai
3. Bastian Lahm: sweetlulovesyou. nobodycanreplaceyou =) ahh
Chain Xykler: No way, that awesome Fang Kai who is curling 1.25kg 20 times at a go only loves this spicy and popular gym-goer Yuling.
4. Fabien Kent: Jesus Christ, upon observing the countless sins the people on Earth has committed, swore out of anger, broke his cross, and ...
Yuna Jubilee: Stop that. Just go breakdance your way to hell, Fang Kai.
5. Kitty: *swoons, pointing at the male model and jabbling excitedly* Oh my god. Look at that Fang Kai. That curl on his fringe makes him look like Superman, he has the face resembling Mr Bean, and boy oh boy, he has Harry Potter's spectacles! *dies of excitement*
6. Yaya Jakril: *pointing at the gangster biker* Hey yo, chao cool!
Biker Loo: What la, na beh cheebye, fuck yourself man. Hmmph. *mumbling* What a bitch.
Yaya Jakril: Hey, I am praising you. Please don't be a rude Fang Kai.
7. Timothy Jackson: Watch my L-Kick!
Choo Xun: Embrace my TOWER!!!!
Brandon Loi: Get giddy with my 1990s!
Fang Kai's Fan: Oh that's bullshit. It's nothing compared to Fang Kai's tops.
8. *petards explode. BOOM!*
Frightening Kelvin: EEEHEE.
*throws second petard, which turns out to be a dud*
Frightening Kelvin: Fuck that man. Fuck that, yes, fuck that!
9. Boy Lankey: Yo Fang Kai!
Fred Karmeni: What la, na beh cheebye, can't you see I'm busy? Fuck that man.
Boy Lankey: Chi fan le ma?
Fred Karmeni: *experiences bipolarity, and suddenly appears exuberant* EEHEE chi fan le yo! *does a breakdancing move called the horseshoe*
10. Francisco Koko: *sees a rare bling-bling* WH--, sorry, I mean, SCHWOAR!
11. Mdm Ng: Fang Kai, can you stop drawing such cruel images on your Chinese exam papers in future?
12. Albert Kinstein: *weak, echoing, trembling voice* Fang Kai, what's the time now?
Fang Kai: 6.24.
Albert Kinstein: When is dinner?
Fang Kai: 7.00
Albert Kinstein: How long is it to dinner?
Fang Kai: About 30 minutes.
Albert Kinstein: Actually, it's 36 minutes. *reveals his first weak smile for a long time*
Fang Kai: *grimaces maliciously, having a urge to break Albert's neck*
-- the next morning --
Winston Seng: *wakes up* Hey guys, what time is it?
Albert Kinstein: 6.00
Fang Kai: *grabbing Albert Kinstein's arm, which is wrapped with a watch* Fuck that man, na beh cheebye. It's 6.02, 36 seconds.
See
2.
Better known as Benedict Loo, he is a famous Singaporean breakdancer. He is thoroughly-allured by females worldwide especially due to his handsome eyebrows, deep, powerful, yet sexy voice, muscular frame and of course, his fasionable POLICE-branded glasses. Benedict is always dressed in his grey, shiny jacket like some street mugger, while hiding his beautiful, Pantene-glorified, straight hair with his Bristow cap. Apparently, he even adorns his cap to sleep from time to time, exemplifying his CHAO COOLness.
However, he has achieved notoriety for spewing Hokkien and English vulgarities in every of his sentences, and as famously quoted by him - "What lah, cheebye! Na beh." Besides, he is known to explode into delirious laughter when he is enjoying his hilarious, yet bordering the extent of annoying, petard celebrations. Thus, he is given the nicknames: Petard Retard, Snigger Nigger.
Nevertheless, he has been widely acclaimed for his outstanding performances on the dance floor, usually finishing his performances off with impossible-to-execute moves like the ecstacy-inducing tops, dazzling/sparkling horseshoes and the death-defying legs-behind-the-neck tops which can even make the best yoga enthusiasts swoon. He has coined the term "SCHWOAR!" which is used as his own exclamation, replacing the common, not-so-cool "WHOA!" or "AHHH!". He enjoys taunting his fans with COOL! handsigns while performing his back-breaking tricks, proving to the world that he can still chuckle in pure bliss, enjoy his happy hours while enduring his ironically neck-breaking, tortuous floats.
Fang Kai will be performing for the world audience during the Swiss Redbull BC Tournament 2007 as B-Boy BENedict and we can't wait for him to illustrate the stage and SCHWOAR the crowd!
After pissing him off the other day, Fang Kai told me, "What lah, na beh cheebye!"
Little kid (after watching Fangkai breakdancing): Mommy, can I be like him when I grow up?
Mommy: No, dear, Fang Kai is CHAO COOL FOR SCHOOL.
Fang Kai has this uncanny resemblance of Natural Effects' Sonic. Maybe it is due to their tendency to pose CHAO COOLly.
See
