What is Fatriona?
1.
A Fatriona is a creature of unprecedented dimensions that calls itself Catriona.
It is disgusting, causing damage to any camera lens misfortunate enough to glimpse the creature; an odour emanates from several parts of its body, causing discomfort to those surrounding it; and the scowl often seen on its face is fierce enough to cause the bravest of men to cower before the mass off fat and gristle before them.
Unlike many obese creatures, the Fatriona is unable to make up for physical shortcomings with personality. It is often rude, indecent and impolite; this results in a serious lack of friends with the notable exception of those who pity the creature.
Fatrionas are often obsessed with male creatures, of less mass than themselves but not so small as to be afraid of them. This male creature will often go by the name of Greg or Gregory and is in almost every way the opposite of the Fatriona. He will be jovial and friendly; giving off no odour and in spite of his considerable mass will be pleasant to look upon, with a friendly and warm expression.
The Fatriona is often jealous of those around her, especially the slimmer creatures; for any Fatriona the ultimate dislike is in the form of a female who is able to fit into one of her trouser legs. Unfortunately there are many of these as the Fatriona is in possession of huge thighs, as wide as the trunk of an oak tree.
While amusement may be found by verbally abusing a Fatriona, the most amusement is found by wrapping it in cling film and rolling it down the steepest hill in the area (moving a Fatriona too far is impossible without specialist lifting equipment).
No example of a Fatriona is given as disclosing a location may cause anger in the Fatriona, leading to GBH in those around her.
