What is Faux Gay?
1.
The Faux gay - is a gay man who may not only actually be straight as an arrow, but also may very well be gay.... but is terrible at being gay.
Frequently their gay card will be rejected by the high gay council (who aslo dictates gay man law and is directly correlated with the gay mafia through various insidious parties and fund raisers for disadvantaged children).
A Faux Gay is, but is not limited to, the following:
Not understanding the spandex amendment to the ten commandments (If thou art overweight, thou shalt not wear spandex - ever)
Not knowing what a daft punk helmet is
Buying a citronella candle (as opposed to the actual plant)
Claiming brown can be worn with black
Claiming black "goes with everything"
Wearing Hollister
Wearing synthetics when not in drag
Not knowing at least 3 of the Drag Queens in the area
Can't take a shot
Can't take a penis in the ass
Can't walk in 4+ inch heels
Can't walk in said heels with a full martini glass without spilling
Can't walk period
Doesn't understand that dish soap is NOT FOR SKIN CARE
Thinks the greatest designer ever is Calvin Klein (because it's the only one they've heard of)
Doesn't understand how to properly operate their limp wrist.
Complains constantly about the state of the LGBT "community"
Doesn't understand where common phrases come from.
Can't quote RuPaul verbatem
Fails to realize their clod-hopper shoes may be offense to the host/hostess's carpet
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