Florida

What is Florida?


1.

The godforsaken Sunshine State renowned for weather and beaches. Florida is noteworthy for having no discernible season changes. Well-known for its subpar education system, Florida is home to Florida State University, a party school known for its football team and its acceptance of anyone who has a pulse and can spell his or her own name correctly. The population here is an amalgam of inhabitants from elsewhere; if you wish to find a retired New Yorker, go to any one of Boca Raton's 5,000 retirement communities; if you want to find a Latino/Hispanic/person whose first language is Spanish, turn around. Florida is a geographic anomaly in that the farther north you travel, the more Southern it seems (and sounds like), and the farther south you go, the more it seems like Cuba (as evidenced by the Little Havana area of Miami). Still, Florida, as a whole, is without an easily recognizable dialect. All place names here are either of Spanish (Punta Gorda, Boca Ciega) or Native American (Tallahassee, Econolockhatchee River) origin, or contain the word "orange" in them. Florida decor has inexplicably come to mean "a seafoam green and pink couch with a watercolor pelican painting." Floridians are not known for good taste; also missing are driving skills, especially in the frequent rain, and voting know-how.

-"Florida's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here."

-"Bah! Go back to New York, you snowbird."

2.

Florida: The state for the newly-wed and the nearly-dead.

AKA: God's waiting room.

See haywood

3.

America's wang (see: America's wang)

Homer simpson: We can't go to Florida... thats America's wang! *points at the dick-like state of Florida*

4.

The only state in the country where the further north you go, the further south you get. Also a lovely place to retire.

If I retire rich, I will probably live in or around Miami, but if I retire poor, I'll probably retire up North near the panhandle, in a trailor, with my dog Rufus. someone kill me

5.

A state with two seasons... Summer and January 14th.

I went to Florida for Christmas break... It felt like I was there for SPRING Break.

6.

The only state in the U.S. where the number of natural disasters in a year is more than the number of smart politicians.

Hurricanes or morons? People of Florida have to pick their poison, sometimes even both.

7.

The southern most state in the Continental US. People who live there range from hot girls in thongs to old geriatric patients. Anyone can get a drivers license in Florida; they come in cereal boxes as surprises. The education sucks there, while taxes keep rising. The main attractions are Walt Di$ney World, Universal Studios, Busch Gardens, Miami, Key West, and Panama Beach, although most Floridians have no idea they have a panhandle, let alone a city named Panama. Ask any Floridan what the capital is, and most will say Miami, thanks to the wonderful education system. Florida is also home to some of the best beaches in the East. What Florida lacks in social skills, it more than makes up in social life, as the clubs and beaches are filled with georgeous women (and men, if that's your preference) who know how to party, with or without others. Although Florida is technically a "Southern" state, it is very liberal in its thinking in the major metropolitan areas. Those centers allow for openly gay relationships, interracial dating, and other things the "South" traditionally stands against. However, away from those metro areas, the people become even less educated than the others and the true "Southern" mentality comes out. Very conservative in their own right, centers like Ocala and Lake City have very high majority rednecks. As a whole, however, despite its flaws, Florida is, and will always be, America's favorite place to migrate.

Coming from New Jersey, people from Florida say the drivers are bad there. However, even though it rains all the time in the summer, people from the "Sunshine State" STILL have no idea how to drive in a drizzle. I'm very glad it doesn't snow in St. Pete, cause I would NEVER drive down here then!


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