What is Guido?
1.
A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.
NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.
GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. "wiggers," A.K.A. "wegros;" urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy's. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic guido. Most guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.
PASSTIMES/RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES: Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexual while assisted by a group of 5-10 guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club's dance floor while non-guidos look on in disbelief.
If you know a Mike, Joe, Rob or Tony, he's probably a guido.
2.
an Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to "hit the clubs" long into his mid to late 30's. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.
Could that guy at the bar be any greasier?! He is such a guido
See
3.
The Guido is an entirely American phenomena, with its epicenter in the New York/ New Jersey metropolitan area. Although most of its examples are of Italian-American descent, manytimes other non-descript Caucasians will follow suit in an attempt to achieve an identity- in fact any identity. The Guido is highly recognizable by his attention to muscular development, status symbols, and regional dialect. Guidos are fortunate in that they usually tend to be loyal to their heritage and cultures. However, their interpretation of the Italian culture is unique to Americans. They fall sorrily short when attempting to emulate the sophistication of European-born men. In fact, their shortcomings include a tendency toward alcoholism, legal problems (usually related to assault, reckless driving, noise violations), and an inability to compete in legimate business. Fortunately for them, they usually live an exciting, care-free existance. They are easily satiated by tacky mall attire, drunken nights with similar-minded women, and nightclubbing in the lesser desired beach towns such as Seaside Heights, New Jersey. In the end, although they maintain a unique sense of identity and pride, their superficial lives often leave them empty. The tolls of excessive grooming products, STDs, and alcohol abuse age these specimens quite poorly. The time spent in fitness clubs is usually far offset by their lifestyle choices.
"Although he spends all his time in the gym and dancing in the clubs, that Guido will soon be a burned out alcoholic working a thankless job, living alone in his one-bedroom apartment in North Jersey"
See
4.
Guidos today give the whole Italian culture a bad name. Gelled up blow outs, shirts extra small - bout the size my 8 year old niece would wear. Stupid sunglasses worn day and night. Usually all second generation Italians, and either don't speak of word of the language, or have learned just enough to enforce their guido image. Dark hair, waxed eyebrows, fake tans, lots of tacky jewlery. The modern day guido has usually never worked a day in their life (considered among guidos as an on going accomplishment) which leaves themselves babied by mama and papa. Thats right, no matter whos birthday it was for the BMW is still DADDY's bitch! Which brings up another point, Guidos drive BMW's Italians drive Cadillacs assholes. And even realer italians drive fiats and alfo romeos.
The guido doesnt care what his appearance really is, with a gut, skinny arms, a tight track suit and sandals he will still think he is the shit.
Every guido ive seen wears some form of womens facial make-up. Often when the guido does not have a desirable pigment to their eyes they will buy colored contacts.
The guido takes pictures of himself in poses that he wants to seem candid, often these pictures are numerous and the guido selects the 1 of 100 pics to put on his myspace page, which is littered with images of italian flags and the colors red white and green.
The common guido cannot tell you how old the Pope is, or who the leader of italy is. In fact, they probably dont even realize that when they call their father, they are saying the title "POPE" in Italian - (Pope = "papa" in italian, Dad/father = "papa" only pronounced with a sharp accent on the second P)
When guidos claim they beat someone up it is almost always a load of crap. Guidos are pussies. If they have beat someone up then they rallied up their 10-15 other guido friends and all jumped the kid. When guidos are alone they are pussies. I have beaten up 3 so far and will continue as i see fit. The 3 guidos ive beaten up, i have also humiliated them while they were crawling on the ground, messing up their hair, kicking them in the ass, and spitting on them.
Guidos are given there italian names at birth, often during childhood the guido resents this name because he does not fit in, often wanting to be referred to as pete instead of pasquale, or Fred instead of Alfredo, or Frank instead of Francesco. As the guido movement became more popular these same kids put use to their names, making themselves more italian.
My names Raffaele, ive been called Ralphie since forever. I never started correcting people and informing my birth name when i turned 16 you homos.
Real italians look down on the whole guido thing. Real Italians work hard and care about their families. Guidos dont work and hit up their parents for cash. This guido look, its all wigger shit.
Im 100% Italian but im not walking around like an asshole, Im Napolitan and Calabrese if you guidos know what that is, but way before that i'm an american, thats the flag i fly in front of my home, thats the country i live in.
Go take your crap to italy and see how you fit in.
"yo yo yo Mario!!! Whas good we hittin up dem clubs tonight?"
"Nahh yo, my dad took away my Bimma yo, he sayin i put too much mileage on it last week."
"Damn, i feel for you. You wanna hit up the italian club on 25th?"
"Nahh we got kicked out last time by dat guido "
"oh yah, aiight then, ill catch you on the flip side playboy"
"Ciao playa"
See
5.
an italian who is culturally challenged and makes us real italians look bad.
Hey did you guys hear, Kim Cignarella is going out with some guido from Fairfield, what doosh bags.
See
6.
An Italian-American that pretends to be Italian by: Talking with a thick New York accent; driving their cars way too fast with techno music blasting; dressing in tight clothes/valour, with their hair slicked back, gold chains, bracelets and rings and chest hair sticking out; usually being of ignorant towards gays and minorities and disrespectfull of woman; lives in Staten Island or Howard Beach, Queens; gives Italians a bad name although it's okay for Italians to be guidos as long as they dont share the aassholee attitude that most guidos do.
"Nice valour suit, you look like a guido"
7.
An adolescent or young-adult American male of Italian ancestry or descent; esp. one of lower-middle-class socioeconomic background or status and thought of as being dim-witted, excessively aggressive, and prejudiced against perceived outsiders, particularly homosexuals and members of other races.
The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn is widely regarded by the rest of New York City as a "Guido" stronghold.
