Guthlaxton Edit Meaning

1.

A small collection of dilapidated buildings in central Wigston, UK claiming to be a college. The college attempts to educate young children and turn them into adults ready for work. The college's actual function, however, is to take naïve, promising 14-year-olds and turn them into brain-dead chav or emo scum who will cost through life as shelf-stackers or on benefits.

Guthlaxton is a 'performing-arts specialist' college. In other words, it's an emo factory.

The average sum of the IQ points in any given 3m/square distance of the populated campus is 3. Oddly enough, 3 is usually the number of people in any given 3m/square area of the campus at any one time. That should help you in your quest for knowledge, or the lack of it at Guthlaxton.

People currently teaching at Guthlaxton include the Humanoid-Cow-on-Helium and the one and only 'Birko' Birkenshaw. Also, a ghostly, balding man with a beer-belly known by the staff and students as 'Jelly' has also been seen wandering the corridors and attempting to teach science.

Guthlaxton's atmosphere is such that it is nearly impossibly to breathe by anyone other than a hardened smoker, drug addict or student of over a year. The 'fresh-blood', as they're called, have an especially hard time. After a few weeks of smoke-induced coughs and migraines caused by excess nicotine in the air, most people adapt to the horrific gasses surrounding the campus.

Looking for a competent student who's not a waste of human life on the Guthlaxton college campus is like looking for a straight guy who wears lady's jewelry; they're rare, but they exist. Finding an incompetent student, however, is as easy as a drunk blonde in an aphrodisiac factory. These wastes of government funding and social resources can usually be found at 'Fag corner', the All-Weather pitch, in the car park and in any drama classroom.

Any redeeming factors, you ask? Greenbean, Birko and Couhan, to name a few. And a handful of students who will go on to do great things.

Words to the wise: avoid the area at all costs; many people have left there without any kind of virginity, intelligence or the will to live.

"Yoo, what'cha got next?"

"Geography..."

"Ahh, shame."

"With Birko!"

"WOOO! BIRKO! Guthlaxton rules, thanks to Birksta!"

A conversation you're likely to hear whilst on campus:

"YOBLAD, yoo goin' down souf at lunch?"

"Nah, mayn, I be goin' fag corna for a splivv..."

"Gayyy... yaz wanna skive forf period and go souf for a fags?"

"Yeah bilend! Dat'd be mintaz!"

Another common exchage usually heard near drama students:

"AHHHH! Life's gay! I'm gonna go sleep with some emo slut after I'm done slittin' my wrists."

"Hey, man, my life's shit too, you wanna sleep with me?"

"Yeah *sob* that'd be good, might numb the pain I feel inside; sleeping with aonther guy..."

See guthlaxton, gutho, jelly, green, school, college, hell, smoke, emo, chav