What is Gypsy Torture?
1.
A form of gypsy punishment- dealt out by the extremely ironic and hilariously hypocritical Gypsy Court.
Having stolen the bald tyres of his brother's caravan, all a Gypsy wants to do when he gets back to his luxurious porta-home is kill some time by slowly destroying these tyres- masochist style- using a cheese grater and a razor blade. Before returning them to the original owner in delightful, bite size chunks, the gypsy must first mark his territory- otter style- by having a shit inside the neighbouring caravan's food cabinet.
As if having to piss in a bucket wasn't enough for our poor old gypsy friends, our Gypsy's brother has reported the goings on to the Federation of Gypsy Justice, who are currently investigating a spate of grated tyre incidents, and with no evidence at all, have decided to arrest our Gypsy's close friend, sister and wife (they don't exactly travel far to look for a female friend), and have taken her away to face Gypsy Justice- caravan style.
After a 3 second hearing, in which two words were said ("Yer Mum", if you want to know), they somehow managed to arrive at a conclusion that the gypsy should be punished by torture. After much deliberation, they decided that the only way that they could do this would be to take away the Gypsy’s fags and give her a giant novelty cigarette suite to wear for four whole years. Not only would this stop the gypsy having sex, and creating more delightful little gypsies, it would also mean she would look like a twat, and feel like one too. (Thats the ironic part- how can you make a gypsy look stupid?- they live in a caravan and have sex with their daughters).
After six months of gypsy torture, our gypsy has had enough, and had decided to go and pikey some cider from her local offy. (She only lived 10 yards away- one of the reasons she pitched her home where it is). Forgetting that she was wearing a giant cigarette outfit, she tried running out the store wielding 3 litres of White Lightning as a weapon, flailing its contents about with gay abandon. As a result, the Gypsy Court have decided to sentence her to a life of slavery and are currently trying to extradite her to Wisbech where she will feel more at home, and cause less damage, since all that could be broken or daubed with graffiti already is in Wisbech.
Gypsy Torture is extremely fun to watch.
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