What is Ham Doctor?
1.
The act of defining a previously benign phrase as something vulgar or obscene. Popularized by a the penny-arcade strip 'Prefanity.'
I totally ham doctored Rick Satorum's name!
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2.
A word soon to be very, very profane, as flagged by XBox Live's Profanity Prediction team.
"GRAAAAH! HAM DOCTOR!" Marcus shouted when he stubbed his toe. Mothers around him covered their children's ears; they didn't want their kids to hear this soon-to-be vulgarism.
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3.
Obscenely crude and sexual, it is the act in which a man or woman stuffs a woman's vagina with so much clove it'll make her look pregnant -- (Clove being one of the main ingredients in seasoning ham). After she can no longer contain anymore clove the man or woman plays doctor and delivers the clove baby. Thus making him or her the Ham Doctor.
I ham doctor'ed her last night, I'd much rather eat ham than tuna.
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4.
Future slang for a really, really, shockingly nasty sex act.
"Dude, if she'll let you be the ham doctor, marry her!"
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5.
A euphemism describing a person who has committed the most unspeakable and vile acts imaginable upon the ass of another. If you could get a doctorate in butt rape, then the Ham Doctor would qualify.
"We've got another red flag, sir. A bad one."
"Hit me."
"Ham Doctor."
"Eughh."
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6.
A doctor of hams. Somehow this is profane.
Originally from Penny Arcade.
"Nice shirt, man."
"Don't be such a ham doctor."
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7.
In gaming, an extremely derogatory expression describing a stronger, more skilled player who follows and protects weaker players while they play the game.
The phrase references the common knowledge of fat kids getting out first in dodgeball- the noobs are the fat kids of the game, or the "hams".
"Fuck! I almost had that kid until his teammate hit me with a headshot!"
"Tell me about it, man. What kind of sick fucker hits level 50 just to be a Ham Doctor?"
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