What is House Rapeipede?
1.
A close cousin of the House Centipede, the House Rapeipede roams North American suburban homes and eliminates common pests. However, unlike its close cousin that consumes pests such as spiders and roaches in a manner tolerated by homeowners, the Rapeipede horrifies homeowners by raping unsuspecting insects to death. The Rapeipede then consumes the insect.
The House Rapeipede's mating rituals consist of a carefully choreographed mating dance followed by an onslaught of tumultuous raping, usually lasting several hours and occurring most often in the family dining room, usually during a large dinner party that will reflect heavily upon the host family's social image.
A female Rapeipede can lay up to several hundred eggs at a time. A young Rapeipede is not fully capable of total rape until it has at least six legs. Until then, it is only capable of partial rape, which is usually considered a misdemeanor in most states.
If it weren't for those damn House Rapeipedes raping tumultuously on our dining room carpet, my wife would have gotten that county school board position.
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