What is Human Resources?
1.
The department within a business responsible for the progression of the company through people management. Usually hated by employees at lower levels due to managers passing on their dirty work i.e disciplinaries, firing and redundancies.
Manaer to employee:
Don't worry Jack, I'm the best manager in the world and I'll make sure you won't lose your job.
Manager to Human Resources Rep:
This Jack guy is a liabilaty. I need to get rid of him, will you dismiss him for me.
Jack to his friends:
My manager was great. He did everything he could to save my job but HR fired me. Fucking pricks!
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2.
The sort of people who, when considering CVs of job applicants, remove from the list people who are better than them, just to protect their jobs. Devious evil scum, who are in personnel or human resources because they have fucked up every other job, fucked the General Manager or both.
The sort of people who, when considering job applicants to run post-invasion Iraq, would consider Saddam Hussien, Fidel Castro or Robert Mugabe, as a) They all hold Doctorates. b) "Have relevant experience and contacts." c) Have done the job before.
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3.
The ugly chicks that fire you for fucking with the great looking chicks.
4.
the uncaring, self-centered, all"powerful" hierarchy of Convergys
The "God's" making important decisions which affect the lives of the employees who work under them, causing employees to become angered; they then hide behind locked doors, fearing for their lives, while providing nachos for the employees in the lunchroom to try and make peace
5.
Used to be called Personnel or the Personnel Department. When they renamed to Human Resources (a pompous new name for PERSONNEL!) everyone else called them Human Remains!
Person A: Why is the company in so much trouble?
Person B: Too many bums in Human Resources.
Person A: Don't you mean Human Remains? (snigger)
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