What is Idouche?
1.
an elitist retarded person who gladly and enthusiastically pays a ridiculous amount of money for sub par computer and entertainment equipment despite having numerous better and less expensive options because they believe every completely false and semi-false claim made by Apple/Macintosh Inc. or they want to be able to sit at the genius bar and feel superior as they try to use their computer even though they don't know what the fuck they're doing so they ask one of the staff persons at the store who, of course, don't have an answer except that maybe they should try buying some upgrade or apple care or other useless add-on which the douche willingly does without thought or question...they just stare at that glowing half-eaten apple
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iDouche: Hey check out my new mac.
Smart person: ...cool?
iDouche: Yeah it's got a 1.8GHz processor, 2 gigs of RAM, bluetooth, wi-fi, it's ultra cool
Smart person: How much was it?
iDouche: (some ridiculous amount of money)
Smart person: I just got a pc for half that price with twice as much power.
iDouche: Yeah but this thing is awesome, it can do video editing, I can watch movies, listen to music, it's ultra top of the line.
Smart person: Yeah my pc does all that too.
iDouche: Yeah but I can like plug anything into it and it will work, like an mp3 player, a digital camera, external hard drive, external superdrive...
Smart person: Yeah me too. What the fuck's a superdrive?
iDouche: It can burn cds AND dvds.
Smart person: Oh you mean a combo drive, yeah my pc has one on it. You had to buy an external?
iDouche: Yeah I bought an external but it's more than a combo drive, it's a superdrive.
Smart person: What does it do other than burn cds and dvds?
iDouche: It plays them too.
Smart person: All burners play the media they can burn.
iDouche: ...huh?
Smart person: Nevermind. So does it do anything else? Any reason you spent so much on it?
iDouche: Yeah, it can't get viruses.
Smart person: Yeah it can.
iDouche: No, macs can't get viruses.
Smart person: Then why did it come with virus scanning software?
iDouche: ...in case one day it can get viruses.
Smart person: A computer can eventually lose its features?
iDouche: I dunno, maybe. It doesn't matter though cause it can't get viruses.
Smart person: I've got a virus on this disk right here, let's put it in your mac.
iDouche: No!
Smart person: But it can't get viruses you said.
iDouche: Yeah but I'd rather not.
Smart person: I see. Why'd you buy that anyway? I thought you just got an ibook like 3 months ago.
iDouche: I did but it stopped working. Kept crashing and locking up. Something about my hard drive being corrupted, whatever that means.
Smart person: Sounds like a virus.
iDouche: No that wasn't it. Macs can't get viruses.
Smart person: ...ok
iDouche: Anyway, I took it to the mac store to get it fixed and they had it for like a month and couldn't figure it out. So they sent it to Mac corporate and they had it for like 2 months and they couldn't figure it out. So yeah, I got this thing instead.
Smart person: Well...that's...great man.
iDouche: Hey can I borrow your phone. I need to make a call and I've been unable to get any service ever since I switched to cingular so I could get an iPhone.
Smart person: I guess.
iDouche: Thanks bro. I'll be at the genius bar. Hey you're really cool man, you should think about getting a mac.
Smart person: No thx. I like right-clicking...and vagina.
iDouche: Huh?
Smart person: Nevermind.
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2.
Similar to crackberry, when a person with an iPhone is consistently on it, never puts it away or is seemingly addicted to their device. They ignore the conversation, people, and things around them making them douches.
Alex- hey, whats up? i haven't seen you in forever
Hunter-(sits silently fiddling with iPhone)
Alex- man, you're such an iDouche
See
3.
n. a douchebag investment banker who:
A) suffers from the worst case of middle child syndrome whether or not he or she has siblings
B) cannot live without weed, coke, and pimps
C) thinks Africa is a country
D) voted for Arnold or wishes he did
E) never lets his girlfriend beat him at board games
F) brags about his Ferrari at dinner and doesn't even pay for the meal
or
G) All of the above
iDouches bug me out.
That iDouche dropped a grand for a $500 vaporizor cause it matches his golf clubs.
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