What is John Madden?
1.
Any phrase spoken aload that has an unintentional sexual inuendo. Derived from the fact that everything John Madden says can be taken in a sexual way.
The following is a John Madden, spoken by the legend himself:
"Boy, there was some deep penetration in the backfield on that play!
2.
A monosyllabic, perspectiveless football announcer who rambles like harry caray and abuses the coaches clicker in an obsessive-compulsive manner while muttering primal grunts and "booms". Also known for scribbling unintelligible illustrations with the telestrater about the latest team he's jumped on the bandwagon with. Finds it harder to take is current favorite team and ram it down everybody's throats now that he's on MNF.
Did you hear that john madden is starting his own football league? The Packers and Cowboys play each other every week, and they both win every time!!
3.
Probably one of the funniest commentators ever to exist on this planet.
Known for repeating himself multiple times in one sentence.
Now what we're seeing here is a definition that you're reading, which is an act that you only can do while reading with your eyes, which isn't like reading with your hands. If you read with your hands, you're not really reading because reading requires the use of your eyes which aren't on your hands because they're your hands, that is unless you're blind and have some kind of newflangled brailler attachment, in which case you WOULD be reading with your hands instead of your eyes. Anyway, here you are reading this definition that's being read with your eyes and not your hands, and it's about John Madden. Now this John Madden guy, he's not like other guys, because if he was he'd be them, which isn't what he is because he's him, he's John Madden. If he was another guy, then he'd be Tony Siragusa, or Troy Aikman, who reads with his hands and talks with his ass which is on his neck which acts like a face which it's not because he's not John Madden.
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4.
A fat fuck who is talks incoherantly about football because he is busy stuffing his face with a 8 legged mutant turkey. Looks like a manatee.
boy look at john madden stuff his face
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5.
An extremely old dude who, when talking, sounds like someone is squeezing his stomach. This guy is the human form of the game of football. He eats, sleeps, and drinks football. BOOM! Look at a video game case or monday night football and you'll see this man happy and smiling because he is football!!!
Look at him! It's John Madden, he's so old but happy...I wish we could play a game of football with him, but he might go insane or explode or something.
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6.
VERB---- To speak the obvious
"It's raining" Thanks for the John Madden forecast because the water falling from the sky didn't already give it away.
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7.
Boom, another Boom, and another Boom!
John Madden: "....erhagaheghagergha, and BOOM! erhgagharhgaaghara.."
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