Joooooos! Edit Meaning

1.

Satirical pronunciation of the word "Jews," in mockery of anti-Semites and conspiracy theorists who blame the Jews for everything.

Apparently first used in Usenet groups in the mid-'90s.

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{A television at a breastaurant is tuned to CNN.}

BUMPER: "You're watching CNN, the Communist News Network."

NEWS ANCHOR: "In an unusual move today, misguided, white supremacist groups have banded together with misguided, black supremacist groups to form the 'Anti-Genesis 12:3 Coalition.' In a joint press conference, David Duke and Louis Farrakhan held hands and addressed a gathering where the audience was outnumbered by the press corps three to one.

When asked the reason for the unexpected partnership, Duke and Farrakhan replied in unison, 'It's the Joooooos!'"

{CUT to video tape of Duke and Farrakhan at a podium}

DUKE: "I am pleased to announce this partnership with Minister Farrakhan as we combat the prosperity of God's chosen people. Sorry! Teleprompter error! I meant to say as we combat greedy, Zionist puppet masters.

Our mutual adoption of Replacement Theology has provided us with common ground on which to build an anti-semitic consensus. Who would have thought that the opinions of Augustine, Martin Luther. and Pope Boniface the eighth concerning, wow, that's a long word, super… supersessionism would have been so helpful in modern times?"

FARRAKHAN: "Word, my brutha' from anotha' mutha'."

DUKE: "Now I realize that that this theology is controversial among true Christians. They like to point out various passages of scripture in Romans, Galatians and the Old Testament that speak of the current role of the Jews, and the future restoration of Israel.

They say that the true church is a wild olive branch that was spiritually grafted into Israel, and that the promise of God to Abraham, and Isaac's descendants, is still in effect. Then there was that thing that happened in 1948, but 'no problemo mi amigos.'

To quote Andrew Klavan, we say to our critics one word: SHUT UP!"

FARRAKHAN: "This concludes our press conference. I am sorry that we won't be able to take questions today, but David and I have a reservation at Elaine's in Hymietown and those Cosmos aren't going to drink themselves!"

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{Meanwhile, back in the breastaurant, a neo-Nazi is having lunch with his brother and watching CNN.}

NEO-NAZI: "Man, that's good news. Maybe now they'll make it possible for me to get a job."

BROTHER: "I don't understand."

NEO-NAZI: "It's the Joooooos! They control everything, friggin' ZOG bastards. They give all the jobs away to minorities through affirmative action just because they love sticking it to Whitey.

I've filled out dozens of applications but I never get hired. It's a Jewish conspiracy, pure and simple."

BROTHER: "Dude it's not the Jews; you are your own worst enemy. Have you ever considered that your appearance hinders you?"

NEO-NAZI: "What?"

BROTHER: "Well your whole goth/biker wardrobe isn't exactly business casual. And, when you add in your assorted piercings, skull jewelry and Waffen SS runes tattooed on your bald head, it's, well, problematic to say the least.

Employers need employees who WELL represent their companies and don't SCARE the customers. It's just a good thing that they don't know about your juvenile convictions for DWI and arson."

NEO-NAZI: "Why should I have to change? This is who I am: a foot soldier in the war against the mud people. If they don't like it, that's their friggin' problem, not mine. Let's celebrate diversity. I am free to be who I am."

BROTHER: "Yes, and you are free to stay unemployed, unless you get a job at an Aryan Nations head shop.

C'mon man, you're my brother and I love you, but it's time that you grew up and stopped being an irresponsible punk-ass. The way you ARE is the way YOU CHOOSE to be, so get a clue. And please, grow some hair and stop watching 'Jerry Springer'"

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{Meanwhile, a wannabe rapper is having lunch with his uncle at the same breastaurant, and is also watching CNN.}

WANNABE RAPPER: "Check it out. Maybe now I can score me some Benjamins."

UNCLE: "What are you talkin' about?"

WANNABE RAPPER: "It's the Joooooos! They control everything, friggin' honkey bastards. They keep all the jobs away from minorities through discrimination just because they love sticking it to homies.

Straight up dog, I've applied dozens of times but The Man always says 'no.' It's a racist conspiracy, pure and simple."

UNCLE: "C'mon dog, it's not the Jews. Look in the mirror; you're your own worst enemy."

WANNABE RAPPER: "Say WHAT?!"

UNCLE: "Your whole rapper/gangsta 'style' doesn't representyour Mama well. And your cheesy looking grill, gaudy Mercedes-Benz jewelry, and pants falling off your ass makes you look the fool.

Bosses need employees who WELL represent their companies and don't SCARE the customers. You're lucky they don't know about your juvie convictions for rape and selling crack."

WANNABE RAPPER: "Aw Holmes, why should I have to change? I am one pimpalicious playa, you know what I'm sayin? If The Man don't like it, that's his problem, you dig? Let's celebrate diversity. For real, I am free to be who I am."

UNCLE: "Yeah, and you're free to stay unemployed, unless you get a job at a hip hop head shop.

Let's cut the crap dog, the way you ARE is the way YOU CHOOSE to be, so wake up fool! You're my nephew and I love you, but it's time that you grew up and stopped being a lazy punk-ass. Now pull up your pants and stop watching ' Maury'"

See jooos!, conspiranoid, conspiratard, conspiracy theory, zog, neo-nazi, anti-semitism, rothschild, bilderberg group, illuminati, 322, new world order, jewdar, tin foil hat, kooky, afrocentrism, black supremacy, louis farrakhan, white supremacy, ku klux klan, kkk, poverty pimp, jesse jackson, al sharpton, naacp, affirmative blaction, racism stick, victim hat, victim-american, polter, maurytard, jerrytard