What is Kernersville?
1.
The place no one knows of and no one cares about. A small town in North Carolina located right in the middle of everything. 5 minutes from Winston-Salem and 10 minutes from Greensboro. A place where you can find the incredibly rich and the incredibly poor all in the same place and only 2 minutes away from each other. Where local high school students have nothing better to do than go to Dennys then to Walmart at 3 A.M. The only place with a shit hole 3 Dollar Cinema that shows anything but good movies. The only place where the cops do stop in old parking lots or go behind old buildings to share a dozen dounuts or smoke the weed they confiscated from the 6th grade girl whos carring her baby down the side walk to closest chink mart. The only place where the two rival high schools compete in everything from sports to who has the most STDs, the most gays and lesbians, and right down to who has the most teachers in prision for sleeping with students. A place that is quickly becoming the largest cluster fuck in the nation.
Lets go get some 5th grade girls pregnant in Kernersville.
2.
Kernersville is where all the Mexicans go after leaving Mexico
-You live in Kernersville...How many kids do you have ma'am?
-I have Pedro, Felix, Humberto, Roberto, Carlos, Jorge, Carlos jr., Mario, Felipe, Manuel, Halfrida, and Nada.
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3.
Also known as K-ville, K*Vegas, or Bumfuck, U.S.A., Kernersville provides the perfect setting for you to feel isolated yet claustrophobic at the same time…ultimately leading to a higher rate of suicide in teens than most small towns. Home to such bands as Beloved and Down On Luck, Kernersville has a surprising amount of musical talent within its limits. Other than that Kernersville has been described as the black hole of the universe. Being as it is thirty minutes away from civilization in three directions, I like to think of Kernersville as being the center of the new Bermuda Triangle. You go in…you don’t come back out. If you don’t get out when it’s time for you to go to college, you will never leave and thus you will doom yourself to a life of boring mediocrity as well as increase the number of people in the city who are related to each other. Remember, don’t talk bad about Billy-Bob Jr. because he’s cousins with half the town. And yes it’s true, the only thing to do at night is race shopping carts in the Wal-Mart parking lot then try to outrun the little security guard when they come up and tell you to stop. On top of everything else, the saddest statement about Kernersville is this. Whenever newcomers visit our town we show them three things: (1) Korner’s Folly, the big dilapidated building the town’s founders lived in; (2) The new stoplight intersection, months of backed up traffic just so a light could turn red and make getting to school or work even harder on that two stoplight street; and (3) the new Sheetz gas station, because a town with something that big and shiny must be something special!
When asked about my hometown the conversation normally goes as follows:
Sally: “So where are you from?”
Me: “Well Sally, I’m from Kernersville.”
Sally: “Where?”
Me: “Exactly.”
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4.
This is a small town that you have probably never heard about, right smack in the middle of everything.
12.1 square miles of BORING.
It's overpopulated, of course, with over 1,400 people per square mile.
we've got a fair share of everything here in "k-ville", including those beaner girls that have 10 kids and obviously have never heard of birth control. oh wait, they just can't afford it. and the hoodrats who clear the shelves of the only walmart in town of kool-aid. and the asians, of course. you can find them in the nice suburbs, the ones with the small pastel houses and lots of gardens. but mainly, those white people make up 84% of the population.
There's nothing to do here in this stupid town. you can go to the skating ring on friday nights, where you will find the local scene kids and lesbians, the gangsters that always find a way to get thrown out, and the occaisonal group of overweight middle school nerds. or you can go to the cheepass $3 dollar theatre that never seems to get movies out on time, or at all.
the scene kid population here is over flowing. you can find them at the walmart in the middle of the night clearing the shelves of eyeliner and black hairdye, they all look the same.
most people are poor here, but get enough to survive.
about 22% of people here are under the poverty line, those people being old farts and teens.
people think it's cool to have there name on the quality mart sign on there birthday, and the number of skanks that dress in hollister and abercrombie, calling themselves preps are around every corner. pretty much everyone here has a myspace, even the 5th graders that like to cuss and get old boyfriends. the crime rate is pretty low but i'm sure that rape is as common as breathing here.
there is even a couple rednecks, all grouped together in a huge trailer park across the street from the only business park in the city.
so this town is really nothing at all, just a little bit of everything, discluding class and real people.
-forsyth county jail-
two guys in a cell:
Bobbie: so, where you from?
Joe: Kernersville, you?
Bobbie: same. what they get you for?
Joe: oh, I just raped the slut of 6th grade. what about you?
Bobbie: same! that beaner girl, yeah she was easy.
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5.
K-Vegas is a quickly growing town right in the middle of everything. Located at the geometric midpoint between Winston-Salem and Greensboro, Kernersville is the center of the Piedmont Triad. Contrary to popular belief Kernersville is a pretty cool place to live, with lots of fun things to do - if you know where to look. The school system - unlike that of the rest of the state is pretty shitty and will probably yield only sociopaths and/or tortured poets. The population of
John: So where is Kernersville?
Jane: You mean K-Vegas? Its where the party's happening.
John: Is it a nice place to live?
Jane: Sure - if you know how to pimp it.
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