What is Kevin Van?
1.
1. Smelly, unstable, stupid motherfucker.
2. Unkept hair. Wannabe in every retrospect. Wears cross in a spick fasion.
3. Biggest liar in the world's history.
4. Hancuffed his homecomming date, who looked like a man and was built, and proceded with sexy intercourse with her.
5. Forgets to shave parts of face, therefore has lines of hair of verying length.
6. Excessive use of the word "dude"
7. Enjoys bragging about a fictional cousin.
8. Has a boner worthy mom
9. Car is a garden variety shit box. 1997 Chevy Lumina, with missing seatbelts, and passenger door has difficulty opening.
10. Overcompensates stupidity with the phrase "i dont give a shit"
11. Cannot spell "Fukin" profanity words.
12. Is unsure of the definition of a golden shower.
13. is "fucking broke"
14. Got a ticket for parking on the wrong side of the road. "Everyone else was." and "i dont give a shit"
15. Freshman year wanted to be refered to as "Paco"
16. Is a singer and expert player of guitar, no wait washburn bass, no its guitar, wait its bass afterall.
17. Pretends to drink, smoke, and party. But in reality never leaves home.
"Dude Dude Dude Dude, these guys did shit to my car again, so my dad moved the tv so my dad could watch the car while holding a shotgun."
"i called the cops, the neighbors said they didnt do shit to me"
"i can beat his ass"
