What is Lance Armstrong?
1.
A man who can do more with one testicle than most could do with a pair.
Lance Armstrong rides his bike fast. With one testicle.
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2.
When a girl gives a guy head when she has plutonium in her mouth.
Man, I wish I didn't have to go in for this ball surgery tomorrow. Damn hooker tricked me and gave me a Lance Armstrong!
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3.
The greatest cyclist ever. He won the
On the last day of the Tour all the other cyclists wanted to take a pic with Lance
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4.
A great but overrated cyclist. Seven Time winner of the Tour De France. Often called the greatest cyclist ever by passive American cycling fans that have never heard of Eddy Merckx, Bernard Hinault, Fausto Coppi or Miguel Indurain. Merckx and many others went on to race in hundreds of races while Armstrong focused on the Tour. His only other races were often training for the Tour at Tour de Georgia or Dauphiné Libéré. Merckx raced every race to win. Lance often was just training for the tour and along with his contemporaries would not take the risk seen in the Coppi-Merckx Era.
LA Fan: Lance Armstrong is the greatest cyclist ever!
Reality: No way dude. Eddy Merckx or Coppi.
LA fan. Who? you're crazy!
Facts: Merckx! Cycling was around before 1999. Merckx won 525 races and won the Giro D' Italia and Tour de France five times. Lance only talked about racing the Giro. Never even showed and has never ridden in most of the Classics like Paris-Roubaix which Merckx won three times. Also never attempted the Hour Record as he hinted on for years. A record for which Merckx is the standard.
LA fan: But Lance won the Tour De Georgia.
Reality: Dumbass!
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5.
One of the worlds greatest ever athletes. He suffered from cancer in 1996 and was given a 75% chance of dying. He fought this disease off and has won the 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005 Le Tour De France's. He will never be forgotten in cycling and sport history. God bless you Lance.
'Lance is victorious again for the 7th year in a row'.
6.
When playing pong and only having one ball because all others were lost, too dirty, or crushed in the process of beer pong.
bob: yo man wheres the other ball?
todd: dunno man, guess we're gonna have to lance armstrong it
bob: goddamnit
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7.
To sum it all up, an American Hero. When it took the entire nation of Nazi Germany to conquer France in a month, he can do it in a couple of weeks with the help of a few friends. He's like the Achilles of modern times. Only this man has no weakness. He'll kick all yo' asses.
-Hey I heard Lance won the tour for the 7th time in a row.
-Yeah, that guy's a freakin' tank.
