What is Lorch?
1.
Any one of a hybrid species of indigestible poisons found in the eastern United States. It typically has the appearance of a half-eaten feces sample encased in regurgitated meatloaf. Although it may appear to be horrid, ugly, violent, and sluggishly stupid, looks in this case are not deceiving in the least. A lorch was last spotted in the United States, where it reportedly tried to defecate upon a rose petal and subsequently fainted of rectal hemmhoraging.
A lorch, upon seeing its reflection in a pond, may suddenly lose its petals and morph into acidic yeast mold.
