What is Mall Feet?
1.
The condition of having unusually intense aches and pains in the feet due to exposure to shopping malls. Most commonly presented in males, presumably due to two factors. First, there is an inherent inability to withstand the excess gravity resulting from the densely packed merchandise. Second, females often burden males with the charge of carrying gratuitous quantities of purchases far greater than the typical wallet loading.
There is no cure, though treatments may include reclining chairs and bottled beverages.
"Honey, you don't need any more bags. Let's go. I'm really tired, and I've had mall feet since the food court."
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2.
Mall Feet is a man's greatest fear. Even Chuck Norris cannot withstand this insurmountable epidemic-like disease. This is the condition in which a person's foot begins to ache with excruciating pain, due to simple physics and logic:
Fa = G*(m1m2)/(d^2) + U^t
Fa = Force of Attraction
G = 6.673 x 10-11 N m2/kg2
m1 = mass of person in kg
m2 = mass of bag(s) in kg
U^t = Unknown other factors such as temperature of mall, duration of carrying bags and etc. that will cause the person to be less willing to carry the bag as time proceeds.
Note: the U value tends to increase exponentially for males in particular as they pay for an item that is NOT theirs, but that of the female companion.
Cures: Like the HIV virus and such, there are no cures--most likely a conspiracy among the female gender...
McNerdy drags Rumor Boy shopping and makes him splurge on her and carry the bags; Rumor Boy suffers from Mall Feet soon thereafter.
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3.
The term for a condition with various symptoms caused by standing on the National Mall for twelve hours or more waiting for the Obama inauguration; caused by fatigue and exposure to temperatures below freezing.
Man, I can't believe it's only 8:30; I've already got a serious case of Mall feet going on and there's no space to sit.
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