What is Manchester United?
1.
A T-shirt and merchanising team, also plays football but to a lesser extent
2.
A massive money-making company involved in merchandising, T-shirt selling, brainwashing and inviting idiots all around the UK to join in and buy their merchandise. I believe they are in some way involved in a small amount of football.
Wahey! I come from London, and therefore live over 200 miles away from Manchester, I think I'll support their local team!
3.
The Pride of all Europe. 68 99 08 - the squad including Scholes, Giggs, Ferdinand, Rooney, Vidic, Evra, Tevez and the awe inspiring Ronaldo have done The Busby Babes proud. I speak as a life-long supporter who grew up in hearing distance of the ground so am hopeful that my opinion will actually count to some of the MUFC Hate Brigade. Personally I couldn't give a toss if our support is spread round the world, nor do I lose sleep over our agressive marketing strategy - every time some kid buys a
Q: Who's won it ten times?
A: That'll be our Ryan, for the glorious
Manchester United
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4.
The most hated football team in the world.
Their supporters all live in London, and they play their home fixtures in a theme park.
They sook because people sing about Munich, but are happy to sing about Arsene Wenger being a paedophile every time he goes there.
They fork out outrageous amounts of money for players who turn out not to be that good (Michael Carrick).
95% of their supporters live overseas and know jack shit about them, yet profess to a long-standing love of 'their team'
Their manager is the most pig-headed bastard to ever inhabit a technical area, who never sees an incident where a United player dives or does one of their typically scummy tackles, but is always prepared to get stuck right into other teams whenever someone gets tough on one of his players.
Typical Manchester United Fan 1:"Who is Matt Busby?"
Typical Manchester United Fan 2:"I don't know, maybe he's the groundskeeper"
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5.
Everything that is wrong with modern football - with their Johnny Come Lately fans (from Croydon and Essex, mostly), merchandising empire that makes them more money than on-pitch endeavours, and the greatest bunch of cynical cheating scum you could ever cast your eyes on. Also former home to David Beckham and Eric Cantona, if you needed an easy reason to hate them.
Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Pedro Mendes from the halfway line.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
6.
A team followed by bandwagoners and (formerly) teenyboppers who went for them because "David Beckham is sooo hot!" A money-making, merchandise spinning, whore enterprise that plays a bit of soccer on the side.
"Who do you go for in the English Premier League?"
"Manchester United!"
"Name another team that plays in the Premier League?"
"Uhhhh- uuuuuhhhhhh"
"Exactly!"
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7.
The World's Greatest Team (TM)
The only Manchester team worth a mention
Their alternative names include
'Man U' is a horrible abbreviation and one that real United fans hate
Manchester United dominated English football throughout the late 50's, late 60's and all of the 90's.
It's a shame they've become a corporate brand, but the local football club element still remains at Old Trafford, despite what the ABU's say
'We are the pride of all Europe, the cock of the north. We hate the scousers, the cockneys of course (and leeds!)'
