What is Manitoba?
1.
The middle child of Canada.
Just like the middle child of your aunt and uncle's family of 5, Manitoba really has no reasons for anyone to outright dislike them. However, like that meek cousin of yours, there's really no reason to like them too much either. It's quiet, it minds it own business, and has no defining characteristics. Plus it's basically at the geographic centre of Canada.
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2.
Manitoba has hot summers and hot women. Manitobans know how to party better than any other place I've been!
Winnipeg and Saskatoon tied for the highest murder per capita rate in 2002 with 6 homicides... wow... 6.
Canada is #43 in the world for murder rates... while the US is holding strong at #23.
I know you don't care, but I'm drunk.
Toba girls give good head.
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3.
The province in the middle of
Winnipeg is the capital of Manitoba
4.
The only province within confederation to violently rebel against the federal government. The Riel Rebellion incase you missed that day in history class.
Guy: I thought we the Quebecois were the separists?!?!
Dave: Nah, we in Manitoba did it first, you guys in Quebec just made it a hobby.
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5.
Manitoba is ridiculed by Canadians from other provinces, particularly grown adults who live with their mommy and daddy, as "the armpit of Canada". It is however completely ignored by Americans altogether who aren't sure whether it is a province or a kind of martini.
It is one of the five "forgotten provinces" (the others being Saskatchewan, Nova Scotia, PEI and Newfoundland). It's capital is Winnipeg (or "The Peg"). All Winnipegers will tell you that the city is named after Winnie the Pooh.
Some do not recognize Manitoba as a valid province because moose outnumber people five to one. These people have therefore merged it with the neighbouring forgotten province, Saskatchewan, to form a megasuperprovince called "Saskitoba". It's capital would therefore be the megasupercity of "Winnigina", pronounced win-nuh-JAH-ee-nuh.
Fun Factoids about Manitoba
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* Manitoba can range from +40C (as in New Delhi) to -40C (as in Antarctica) so most bums either fry onto the pavement in the summer or freeze to death in the winter. The snow trucks and streetsweepers manage to scoop most of their body parts away.
* Manitoba is the first province to give women the vote (way back in 1916) which is why you don't even wanna THINK about fucking with Manitoba chicks. They will slice you.
* At just over a million people, the population is far too low to have a murder rating. One murder to a Manitoban would be like... the holocaust. So it just doesn't happen despite the myths you've heard.
* Most Manitobans live only in its capital, Winnipeg, and three-quarters of Manitoba is a superlarge Indian reservation. Oddly enough, casinos are everywhere but this may be an unrelated phenomenon.
* Manitobans made seperatism and speaking French cool before it became the fashion in Quebec.
* Some drunken half-Native, half-French dude named Louis Riel founded Manitoba. He kicked major whitey ass. He would slice you too just like the Manitoban chicks if you pissed him off.
* Manitobans speak a unique dialect of English which is a special blend of French, Ukrainian and Elvish. Eg: "Borrow me that book" means "Lend me that book". "This city sucks!" means "I really love my motherland!".
* The main religion is Goth. Second is atheism.
* Cool Manitobans live in a place called "Osborne Village" which is filled with gays, hippies, goths and s&m rubber fetishists.
* While Northern Manitoba may very well have igloos, the Greater Winnipeg area has real buildings made of materials other than ice, like wood, stone and concrete.
* Licence plates read "Friendly Manitoba" and they _are_ friendly to everyone except the KKK and snobby brats with a silver spoon in their mouths and who have fake dyed blond hair who came from Vancouver and then complain that they hate being stuck in Winnipeg because it's nothing like Vancouver, blah, blah, blah, go die.
Overall, rather than being the stinky butthole of the country, it is an unappreciated jewel trapped in the bowels of the remote prairie nougat core of North America.
"Manitoba... is that a drink?"
"Is Manitoba even real? People live there??"
"No, you're joshing me, right? 'Manitoba' is made up. You made that all up. You joker, you're such a joker."
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6.
Often ridiculed prarie province of Canada. Americans have never heard of it because its above the Dakotas (another place they've never heard of), Canadians forget about it because it had only one city and it's near nothing else. Manitobians are an industrious bunch, because they have to take care of themselves. They weather sucks, and if you don't live in Winnipeg, then you're probably near nothing. Winnipeg isn't bad but it had the same reputation as Buffalo or Cleveland in the US, as if its some bad place that everyone should leave. Manitoba's got lots of lakes too.
Manitoba's at the 100th meridian, where the great plains begin.
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7.
Manitoba is the Lost Province of Canada with only 1.9 People per Square Kilometre, only Highly Educated Canadians know of this Secret or Lost Province for it holds no relavence to anything.
Hey! did you know theres a 12 province ?! its called Manitoba!
