What is Marlariya?
1.
General:
Marlariya (pronounced similar to Malaria, but not!), first reported in central North America, results from an absence of the company of Marleah. Marlariya is characterized by the following symptoms:
• depression
• social withdrawal
• diminished focus
• intense shivers
• chapped lips
• hair loss, and
• you shrivel up and die
History:
Marlariya accounts for approximately 3% of all deaths caused by preventable-diseases. The first case of Marlariya was reported outside of Carlisle, Ontario, where, hopeless and delusional, Chris decided to “off-road it” into a herd of migrating deer. After mowing down precisely half of them, Chris hit a stray lion, which flipped his car into the jagged rocks looming below. The Mobsters soon after stole his ghetto aluminium hub caps from the flaming wreckage scattered about. Chris died instantly upon hitting the first deer.
Earlier that day, the firster case of Marlariya claimed the life of Norman who, walking home with Chris and Marleah, was pushed by Marleah-Chris into a drift of snow. Norman, having lost his hair earlier that week, was unable to bear the harsh coldness of the drift and froze instantly. All that remained was his shoes that, along with an unidentified frozen carcase, were shipped to the Evil Prang for terrible experiments.
Research:
So far there have been no reported cases of Marlariya, but experts fear that the disease, if left unchecked, could claim a large percentage of the population.
The only known antidote to Marlariya is Marleah, and the last of her kind was believed to have disappeared several centuries ago, except Marleah, the last of her kind.
Ongoing research by science-type people has been aimed at cloning Marleah from the perfectly preserved Marleah unearthed at the park, with the help of Marleah.
Treatment:
If you believe that you have contracted Marlariya, you are advised to seek out the one remaining Marleah in the mountains and make her laugh. Bring hair, nice hair. And long eyelashes.
Chris suffered from all the symptoms of Marlariya. Consequently, he drove into a deer which was actually a pack of deer. He then proceeded to drive off a cliff. Mobsters came out and stole his hubcaps. Chris died from the feelings of withdrawal he had from not basking in Marleah's presence. His death was horrible and tragic and could have been prevented if only he had talked to Marleah more. Stupid dumb dumb.
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