What is Mert 't Turt?
1.
Large ginger peer. Has 'shoe brush' hair which is occasionally shaved to resemble a lesbian egg. Ginger humpty dumpty lesbo, average badminton player and average Pro Evo player who always plays as France or Arsenal, motorcar enthusiast. Has alarmingly red face like a smacked arse.
Mert 't Turt AKA Martyn Howard from Monmouthshire currently residing in Cheltenham.
The bathroom stinks!
Yeah, Mert 't Turt just layed a Cleveland Steamer in there!
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Upstanding individuals from the area under a former area code 915 which is in the petroplex of West Texas.
Damn, homes that's just..