What is Orphelia?
1.
A busty, blonde, motherly creature of wanton desires and loose tongue. Eternally pregnant and sporadically horny, this Midlands beauty is a lover of the colour orange, strained tea, JellyBattle, wicker baskets, whale beaters, Otis Redding, Seamus Heaney, maternity and Scottish accents.
Self-deprecating, feisty, and a good judge of pornography, the world doesn't have enough Orphelia.
I had a long, hard wank this morning. I thought of Orphelia.
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