What is Phantom Shit?
1.
A phantom shit is the rare phenominon wherein a shit (usually of a solid, well-defined mars bar-like constitution) disappears entirely from sight before the shitee has a chance to admire his creation. A phantom shit completely submerges itself beneath the upper waters of a toilet-bowl in an instant.
Initially such an occurence brings on the sensation of euphoria. However, the bliss is quickly replaced by paranoia and self-doubt as one tries to recall if they did truly shit or not. Usually the doubt can be subdued by wiping ones ass and finding shit upon the toilet paper. However, if the shit was a clean run and the toilet paper produces no shit-stains, then symptons may intensify until the shitee becomes a paranoid retard who believes in, and creates, conspiracy theories.
-Bob squats over his toilet and unleashes a dump
-Bob rises to a stand and stares down at the toilet to find it empty. A phantom shit has occured.
-Astonished, Bob grabs for some toilet roll in a panic and wipes his ass
-The toilet roll produces no shit post-wipe and Bob runs away from the bathroom flailing his hands above his head whilst screaming
-Bob tells his friends that The Illuminati are in cahoots with giant-headed aliens in a plot to take over the world.
-Bob creates retarded websites and spends his life masterbating over sexless, fictional alien creatures.
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2.
when you take a shit, and when you wipe your ass, there isnt any shit on the toilet paper
i saved three minutes by taking a phantom shit, way to be
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3.
When you are sitting on the crapper and you force out what feels like a triple coiler and you look in the bowl of the toilet and its gone
"(on the phone after a phantom shit)"
Person A: i was just sitting on john for twenty minutes and i took the biggest shit of my life
Person B: Did you get a picture?
Person A: NO IT WAS A PHANTOM SHIT!!!
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4.
The phantom shit is that feeling that you still have to shit when the amount of matter dumped into the bowl clearly indicates that there is no shit left to evacuate from your colon. Much like people who loose limbs can still feel as if the limb is there.
I'll be out in a second, I'm still feeling the phantom shit!
5.
when you take a shit, and when you wipe your ass, there isn't any shit on the toilet paper
i just took a phantom shit, i saved a couple of minutes because i didn't have to wipe my ass
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6.
a phantom shit occours when one goes to the washroom and take a nice long shit and when he wipes there is no shit on the paper and in some cases when he looks theres no shit in the toilet because the phantom shit dissapeard
you dude i just took a shit and wiped my ass and when i look no shit so i looked in the toilet and the phantom shit escaped again he wasent in the toilet
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7.
A phantom shit is a sizeable dump usually laid under cover of darkness in a public place. When stumbled upon in daylight by an unsuspecting individual, hilarity is meant to ensue.
Less frequently referred to as a ghost shit, the phantom shit usually shows up in such places as post boxes, car hoods, children's playgrounds, and any general public place ripe for mischief.
I took my son to the playground on Saturday morning and he slid down the tube slide right into a pile of crap; some fucking punk must have laid down a phantom shit there on Friday night.
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