What is Pitchfork?
1.
Pitchfork is an abbreviation for pitchforkmedia, which is an online magazine devoted mostly to coverage of independent music. The website, updated daily, centers upon 5 reviews of new albums, 4 to 6 newsposts, and 2 to 4 reviews of singles. While Pitchfork is known for its brutal honesty, it cannot properly be said that it isn't biased in a huge way. However, it is definite that Pitchfork is something that can be trusted for people with a taste for indie music.
I'm tripping shrooms, perhaps now would be a good time to go read Pitchfork for the first time.
2.
Christians have the Bible.
Jews have the Torah.
Muslims have the Koran.
Hipsters who are between the ages of 20-30 and claim to live in Williamsburg (but who really still live with their mom in Queens) have Pitchfork Media.
Normal guy: Hey, let's go try that restaurant in Tribeca.
Hipster: I only want to go if it received an 8.0 or higher on Pitchfork.
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3.
Male version of the camel toe. Caused by tight fitting clothing outlining the penis and balls. Found in males and transsexuals wearing Spandex, Speedos and tights.
While a camel toe is a thing of beauty and wonder, a pitchfork is a vulgar display of a man's frank and beans
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4.
Also known as Pitchfork Media. A pretentious, elitist, hype-mongering, trend-obsessed piece of shit website that specializes in "independent music".
Known for giving gushing reviews to anything that sounds remotely obscure. Even if the music itself actually sucks. No, wait, ESPECIALLY if the music itself actually sucks.
Too bad it only exists in online format or else I'd wipe my ass with their sorry excuses for reviews.
Also, all too appropriately, every hipster's holy grail.
HIPSTER: Hey did you see Pitchfork's review of the new animal collective? It got a 9.6, so it's obviously one of the quintessential albums of the decade.
MUSIC FAN: I think I'd rather listen to Tool's "Lateralus"
HIPSTER: Psshh, lame!! pitchfork only gave that album a 1.9. Tool obviously sucks to anyone with taste in music
MUSIC FAN: Riight. But you obviously have amazing taste since you base your opinions entirely off of Pitchfork's numerical rating system. Way to go douche bag.
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5.
a device used to anal-probe self-righteous pricks who pretend they created all of the bands they listen to and have never considered another's opinion on anything.
Get off your defensive high horse, fan boy; I will pitchfork ya!
6.
(v.) What happens when you don't move out from your parent's basement, instead prolonging college-lifestyle mentalities.
When he was 22, he was okay, but he's pitchforked in his parents basement looking at internet porn all the time.
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7.
An adjective used to describe something that is exeptionally trendy or rad. This comes from the indie rock online magazine pitchforkmedia, and originally referred to something that was very indie. However, it has come to be referrable to anything, indie rock or not. (esp. used in the Bay Area)
BECKY: wow, this band is pretty pitchfork
ALANA: you're pretty pitchfork too, becky
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