What is Pitchfork Media?
1.
A website full of stuck-up hipsters dissing good music and recommending stupid shit you've never heard of, like Ricardo Villalobos. Not that music you haven't heard of is necessarily bad, but recommending obscure artists because they have no exposure is asinine.
Pitchfork Media hates my favorite band because it didn't come out yesterday and it's moderately popular? Fuck it, nobody listens to what pitchfork media has to say.
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2.
The one music review website on the internet where the reviews are at least semi-tolerable. This is due to the fact that they're not being written by thirteen year olds (like on Absolutepunk) or by 40 year olds who only listen to top 40 radio (like Rolling Stone) but by actual WRITERS. Indie kids like to shit all over Pitchfork because they give bad reviews to bad music with no exceptions and only hypes bands that are too obscure to name drop to strangers you met at the Anberlin show.
Indie Kid: I can't believe Pitchfork Media gave the new Death Cab for Cutie album a 6/10 but gave some twat named Vampire Weekend a 9/10!
Sensible person: Have you ever even listened to Vampire Weekend?
Indie Kid: Well, I haven't seen them on Fuse yet.
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