What is Raptorjesus?
1.
The one and only savior of the internets, and cause of eternal flaming.
Brought forth from the void, given physical form by the now famous 900,000th post in the 4chan /b/ imageboard. Soon gained infamy as the /b/tards commenced to bitch about the post, at which time the NAZI 4chan mods replaced the holy picture with the ungodly effigy of evil: donutpenis.
Thus did the everlasting flaming begin.
~~~
Excerpt from the RaptorJesus BIBLE:
~
The Teachings of Raptor Jesus
And lo, did a drunken man beset Raptor Jesus and his followers. He came up to them, crying such things as "Y HALO THAR!" and "BUTTSECKS?!" The Disciples were scared, for never before had they encountered one so intent on buttsecks. But Raptor Jesus merely smiled, and bade His Disciples watch, that they might know what to do in the future. All of a sudden, Raptor Jesus did leap into a tree, disappearing from sight. The drunkard looked around in a confused manner. Raptor Jesus did burst forth, flipping out of the tree, his foot connecting with the drunkard's neck. A sickening 'SNAP' emanated, and then all was silent. Raptor Jesus looked to His followers, pointed at the body next to him and proclaimed, "Ninja'd"
Chapter 9, Verse 1.27
Bill: "Holy shit! Did you just send an entire online community into a bitter flame war with a single post!?"
Ted: "Yeah, I pulled a raptorjesus, haha."
2.
The Holy Saurian Savior.
Also,
And THUS THE GIANT SALAMANDER APPEARD; AND LO, IT SPOKE UNTO THE FAGS. "FUCK YOU, THIS SHIT SUX, YOU FAG." AND WITH A PUFF OF SEMEN, IT WAS GONE.
AND A LOUD YELP WENT INTO THE AIR AS THE PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY SHOT FORTH FROM THEIR BIRTHING CANALS SEVERAL BABY TOADS FROM EACH. AND THUS THAT DAY BECAME KNOWN AS THE GREAT SALAMANDER-FROG FAGGOTEER EXTRAVAGANZA. EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER, RAPTORJESUS CAME TO THE VERY SPOT THAT THE SALAMANDER HAD BEEN AND SAID, "HARK! ALL YE FAITHFUL, LISTEN! THE TIME HAS COME FOR THE GREAT SECOND COMING!" AND AS SOON AS HE SPOKE, THOUSANDS OF TOADS BEGAN TO FLOCK TOWARDS THE SAURIAN MESSIAH. AND AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE FROGS HAD ARRIVED, RAPTORJESUS PROMTPLY LET OUT A LOUD SCREECHING ROAR, AND THE GROUND BEGAN TO SHAKE. SECONDS LATER, THE HUGE SALAMADER HAD RETURNED, BATHING ALL AROUND IT IN A WARMING GLOW. AND AGAIN, THE SAME THING HAPPENED; THE SALAMANDER SPOKE, PUFFED, AND MANY WERE IMPREGNATED. THOUSANDS MORE HAD FLOCKED TO THE LOCATION THAN BEFORE, MAKING THE EVENT MUCH MORE SPECTACULAR. MILLIONS OF FROGS BEGAN SHOOTING INTO THE AIR, ONTO THE GROUND, AND INTO OPEN MOUTHS AS THE WOMEN MOANED IN PLEASURE, SHOOTING AMPHIBIANS FROM THEIR VAGINAS.
1.
The one and only savior of the internets, and cause of eternal flaming.
Brought forth from the void, given physical form by the now famous 900,000th post in the 4chan /b/ imageboard. Soon gained infamy as the /b/tards commenced to bitch about the post, at which time the NAZI 4chan mods replaced the holy picture with the ungodly effigy of evil: donutpenis.
Thus did the everlasting flaming begin.
~~~
Excerpt from the RaptorJesus BIBLE:
~
The Teachings of Raptor Jesus
And lo, did a drunken man beset Raptor Jesus and his followers. He came up to them, crying such things as "Y HALO THAR!" and "BUTTSECKS?!" The Disciples were scared, for never before had they encountered one so intent on buttsecks. But Raptor Jesus merely smiled, and bade His Disciples watch, that they might know what to do in the future. All of a sudden, Raptor Jesus did leap into a tree, disappearing from sight. The drunkard looked around in a confused manner. Raptor Jesus did burst forth, flipping out of the tree, his foot connecting with the drunkard's neck. A sickening 'SNAP' emanated, and then all was silent. Raptor Jesus looked to His followers, pointed at the body next to him and proclaimed, "Ninja'd"
Chapter 9, Verse 1.27
Bill: "Holy shit! Did you just send an entire online community into a bitter flame war with a single post!?"
Ted: "Yeah, I pulled a raptorjesus, haha."
2.
The Holy Saurian Savior.
Also,
And THUS THE GIANT SALAMANDER APPEARD; AND LO, IT SPOKE UNTO THE FAGS. "FUCK YOU, THIS SHIT SUX, YOU FAG." AND WITH A PUFF OF SEMEN, IT WAS GONE.
AND A LOUD YELP WENT INTO THE AIR AS THE PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY SHOT FORTH FROM THEIR BIRTHING CANALS SEVERAL BABY TOADS FROM EACH. AND THUS THAT DAY BECAME KNOWN AS THE GREAT SALAMANDER-FROG FAGGOTEER EXTRAVAGANZA. EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER, RAPTORJESUS CAME TO THE VERY SPOT THAT THE SALAMANDER HAD BEEN AND SAID, "HARK! ALL YE FAITHFUL, LISTEN! THE TIME HAS COME FOR THE GREAT SECOND COMING!" AND AS SOON AS HE SPOKE, THOUSANDS OF TOADS BEGAN TO FLOCK TOWARDS THE SAURIAN MESSIAH. AND AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE FROGS HAD ARRIVED, RAPTORJESUS PROMTPLY LET OUT A LOUD SCREECHING ROAR, AND THE GROUND BEGAN TO SHAKE. SECONDS LATER, THE HUGE SALAMADER HAD RETURNED, BATHING ALL AROUND IT IN A WARMING GLOW. AND AGAIN, THE SAME THING HAPPENED; THE SALAMANDER SPOKE, PUFFED, AND MANY WERE IMPREGNATED. THOUSANDS MORE HAD FLOCKED TO THE LOCATION THAN BEFORE, MAKING THE EVENT MUCH MORE SPECTACULAR. MILLIONS OF FROGS BEGAN SHOOTING INTO THE AIR, ONTO THE GROUND, AND INTO OPEN MOUTHS AS THE WOMEN MOANED IN PLEASURE, SHOOTING AMPHIBIANS FROM THEIR VAGINAS.
