What is 100% Italian?
1.
Common phrase uttered by obnoxious Italian Americans. Means to impress, but the listener/reader is left only with the impression they have met up with the following type of individual:
Loud, fat, crude, braggers
Terrible weakness for gambling and gluttony
Stingy
Easily corrupted, which often turns them into crooks, thieves, and liars
Overweight
Vain
VERY Sensitive about ethnic jabs
Too much pride and braggadaccio
Men constantly cheat and never admit it
Selfish
Males are sexually well endowed, but limited endurance or skills in the bedroom
Women fake orgasms, prefer to take it anal from behind
Prefer to work for themselves in small businesses rather than work for somebody else
Make for cruel demanding bosses
LOUD!!!! (did I say Loud?)
Posers
Talk way too much
Sell outs
Snitches
Dock Workers
All talk and no action
Love to brag
Naplotans look down on Sicilians, but Abruzzians look down on both
Sicilians are dirty with consistently bad personal hygeine
Naplotan guys are all named Tony and
Sal or Joe if they're Sicilian
Love flashy jewlry made in poor taste
Loud tastes in clothing
All claim to be 'cousins' with one another
All claim to have an aunt or uncle who is wealthy or powerful and is looking out for them
Real aunts, uncles, and cousins can't stand eachother and backstab constantly
Good at seducing women
Women can only seduce same type of Italian American men Italians make fun of them, white guys won't have them and black guys don't want them because of the smell
Women all short with crusty feet and back hair by the time they are 30
Women have thicker moustaches than the men by 35
Women by 40 sprouting chin hair
Constantly bleaching and waxing themselves
Boastful about stories inflated or made up (true for both sexes)
Always want to be in charge
Always think themselves better than everyone else (the worse and less desirable they are the better the self opinion)
Little Cesears
Hyper-aggressive and assertive
Argumentitive
Uneducated
Boorish
Illogical
Cheap and selfish
Two career options: mechanic or labor
Can be way too serious
Narcissistic and vain
Not self-depricating in their humor
Only find crass humor and insults funny
Absolute worst thing in the world is for them to be made a fool of publicly
Embarrass themselves constantly with their own behavior but are too stupid to know it
consume pasta
burly, hirsute
irritable, easily offended
long-term failures
affinity for dance halls, porno and night clubs
Mama's boys
Drama QUEENS
thick waisted women and no-assed men
Surnames always end in a vowel
Men named for saints, or "Joey", "Tony", "Vinnie", etc.
wear pinky-rings, gold chains, etc.
Always dragging kids and speaking to them in falsetto sweet tones while failing to discipline them, parents screaming at eachother constantly
Mothers claim to love their own children more than anything else but almost always raise them poorly
Toxic parents
Typically concerned more with alcohol, Jerry Springer, Soap Operas, who is fucking whom, and cigarettes than with parenting
Kids raised with violence and damaging behavior but it is never discussed
No typical family vacations outside of mediocre
Slam doors
Failure to accept responsibilities
Denial of shortcomings
Violent if caught or confronted
Children are neurotic, rude, hyper, aggressive, disrespectful (and normally worse than parents)
2-6 kids, brothers become head of the family
Love to cook daily as routine (attempting sense of normalcy, no ability to socialize outside of home)
Family dinners and outings almost always end violently
Women empty refrigerators for guests but always eat/have the same foods (no variety)
beautiful, effort to act sexy women--until they hit 30
women never cheat on husbands (unless husband is always working and woman is beginning to feel ugly, self loathe)
very, very wealthy in their own minds
Women often have to work and do housework
Have beautiful (exterior) homes, cars, and clothes (interior furnishings from fingerhut, cars and clothes picked not by taste but to impress neighborhood; homes don't change or improve much from year to year, tacky, style remains what it was when they turned 20, forever)
Mostly Roman Catholic
closet homosexual men (like bath houses and rest stops)
gay bashers in public
Marital vows are a joke other than for co-habitation
No moral code, duplicitious
Falsely religious (attend church and behave totally differently outside)
Greasy
Foolish just a shade smarter in reputation than the worst Polish joke stereotype
Low-class braggarts
Ursulas are extremely jealous of
Sicilians are the "niggers" of Italy Moor blood is impure
Guidos
Street corner thugs
General disdain for Arians
Typically marry amongst themselves to appease meddlesome parents and inlaws
No tolerance for other cultures, races, etc.
Superiority Complexes
Bullies (especially when in groups)
... the term "100% Italian" SCREAMS bunions and hammertoes
ITALIANS FROM TRADITIONAL AND WELL-BRED ITALIAN FAMILIES WOULD NEVER THINK TO USE THIS PHRASE UNDER THIS PARTICULAR CONNOTATION.
Immigrants who worked hard to create a life for themselves, to improve their character, and to make better lives for their children in the New World (America)will usually claim to be Italian in descent, American in heritage. They are a loving and respectful people. They do not fit this stereotype.
Italians from ITALY do not fit these stereotypes.
What it means to BE Italian varies by region and lines of descent.
There is no link between real Italians and the phrase "I am 100% Italian".
Usually born and raised in some trashy place like the bad parts of Jersey or some inner city locale.
"100% Italians" always appear to defend one another while simultaneously tearing eachother apart.
NOTE OF WARNING: "I am 100% Italian!!!!" injected into any conversation at any given point is an embarrassment to the curtural history and traditional heritage of the nation of Italy. The person claiming it is a fraud.
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