100% Italian

What is 100% Italian?


1.

Common phrase uttered by obnoxious Italian Americans. Means to impress, but the listener/reader is left only with the impression they have met up with the following type of individual:

Loud, fat, crude, braggers

Terrible weakness for gambling and gluttony

Stingy

Easily corrupted, which often turns them into crooks, thieves, and liars

Overweight

Vain

VERY Sensitive about ethnic jabs

Too much pride and braggadaccio

Men constantly cheat and never admit it

Selfish

Males are sexually well endowed, but limited endurance or skills in the bedroom

Women fake orgasms, prefer to take it anal from behind

Prefer to work for themselves in small businesses rather than work for somebody else

Make for cruel demanding bosses

LOUD!!!! (did I say Loud?)

Posers

Talk way too much

Sell outs

Snitches

Dock Workers

All talk and no action

Love to brag

Naplotans look down on Sicilians, but Abruzzians look down on both

Sicilians are dirty with consistently bad personal hygeine

Naplotan guys are all named Tony and

Sal or Joe if they're Sicilian

Love flashy jewlry made in poor taste

Loud tastes in clothing

All claim to be 'cousins' with one another

All claim to have an aunt or uncle who is wealthy or powerful and is looking out for them

Real aunts, uncles, and cousins can't stand eachother and backstab constantly

Good at seducing women

Women can only seduce same type of Italian American men Italians make fun of them, white guys won't have them and black guys don't want them because of the smell

Women all short with crusty feet and back hair by the time they are 30

Women have thicker moustaches than the men by 35

Women by 40 sprouting chin hair

Constantly bleaching and waxing themselves

Boastful about stories inflated or made up (true for both sexes)

Always want to be in charge

Always think themselves better than everyone else (the worse and less desirable they are the better the self opinion)

Little Cesears

Hyper-aggressive and assertive

Argumentitive

Uneducated

Boorish

Illogical

Cheap and selfish

Two career options: mechanic or labor

Can be way too serious

Narcissistic and vain

Not self-depricating in their humor

Only find crass humor and insults funny

Absolute worst thing in the world is for them to be made a fool of publicly

Embarrass themselves constantly with their own behavior but are too stupid to know it

consume pasta

burly, hirsute

irritable, easily offended

long-term failures

affinity for dance halls, porno and night clubs

Mama's boys

Drama QUEENS

thick waisted women and no-assed men

Surnames always end in a vowel

Men named for saints, or "Joey", "Tony", "Vinnie", etc.

wear pinky-rings, gold chains, etc.

Always dragging kids and speaking to them in falsetto sweet tones while failing to discipline them, parents screaming at eachother constantly

Mothers claim to love their own children more than anything else but almost always raise them poorly

Toxic parents

Typically concerned more with alcohol, Jerry Springer, Soap Operas, who is fucking whom, and cigarettes than with parenting

Kids raised with violence and damaging behavior but it is never discussed

No typical family vacations outside of mediocre

Slam doors

Failure to accept responsibilities

Denial of shortcomings

Violent if caught or confronted

Children are neurotic, rude, hyper, aggressive, disrespectful (and normally worse than parents)

2-6 kids, brothers become head of the family

Love to cook daily as routine (attempting sense of normalcy, no ability to socialize outside of home)

Family dinners and outings almost always end violently

Women empty refrigerators for guests but always eat/have the same foods (no variety)

beautiful, effort to act sexy women--until they hit 30

women never cheat on husbands (unless husband is always working and woman is beginning to feel ugly, self loathe)

very, very wealthy in their own minds

Women often have to work and do housework

Have beautiful (exterior) homes, cars, and clothes (interior furnishings from fingerhut, cars and clothes picked not by taste but to impress neighborhood; homes don't change or improve much from year to year, tacky, style remains what it was when they turned 20, forever)

Mostly Roman Catholic

closet homosexual men (like bath houses and rest stops)

gay bashers in public

Marital vows are a joke other than for co-habitation

No moral code, duplicitious

Falsely religious (attend church and behave totally differently outside)

Greasy

Foolish just a shade smarter in reputation than the worst Polish joke stereotype

Low-class braggarts

Ursulas are extremely jealous of WASPwomen

Sicilians are the "niggers" of Italy Moor blood is impure

Guidos

Street corner thugs

General disdain for Arians

Typically marry amongst themselves to appease meddlesome parents and inlaws

No tolerance for other cultures, races, etc. racist

Superiority Complexes

Bullies (especially when in groups)

... the term "100% Italian" SCREAMS bunions and hammertoes

ITALIANS FROM TRADITIONAL AND WELL-BRED ITALIAN FAMILIES WOULD NEVER THINK TO USE THIS PHRASE UNDER THIS PARTICULAR CONNOTATION.

Immigrants who worked hard to create a life for themselves, to improve their character, and to make better lives for their children in the New World (America)will usually claim to be Italian in descent, American in heritage. They are a loving and respectful people. They do not fit this stereotype.

Italians from ITALY do not fit these stereotypes.

What it means to BE Italian varies by region and lines of descent.

There is no link between real Italians and the phrase "I am 100% Italian".

Usually born and raised in some trashy place like the bad parts of Jersey or some inner city locale.

"100% Italians" always appear to defend one another while simultaneously tearing eachother apart.

NOTE OF WARNING: "I am 100% Italian!!!!" injected into any conversation at any given point is an embarrassment to the curtural history and traditional heritage of the nation of Italy. The person claiming it is a fraud.

See narcissistic, ugly woman, loud, hairy, uneducated, boorish, posers


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