What is 1st Army?
1ST Army is a a reserve training unit comprised of the most incompetent, lazy and un-knowledgeable soldiers in the US Army. To gain employment in 1st Army you must prove that your GT score is less than 85 and your inability to tie your own shoes. You must then give oral sex to a morbidly obese colonel while he listens to Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyre".
Sgt.O'Grady "How was your close quarters battle training Specialist?"
SPC Goldman "They taught me I should clear a room by winning their hearts and minds."
Sgt. O'Grady "1st Army retards."