What is Schiffium?
1.
A newly discovered element. It is number 372 on the periodic table of elements. This element is created when a person watches too much Barney, Power Rangers, and other shows that are overrated and extremely dumbed-down. When this element comes in contact with a human being, a chemical reaction occurs. This chemical reaction makes said person go insane, gain weight, and all other common symptoms of Schiffiism. This causes the person to become a Schiffi. The only cure: watching television that is suitable for someone whose IQ is higher than their shoe size, such as Futurama, The Matrix, Megas XLR, and Fullmetal Alchemist. This cure will only have any effect if put into action immediately. If not, the person will always be a mindless idiot.
Person A: This is pure Schiffium.
Person 2: DUDE! Get away from it!
Person A: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want to be a Schiffi.
