What is Schwegan?
1.
Highly processed, packaged, and/or otherwise unhealthy, "schwag" vegan food.
1. When Kaya gets tired of her vegan diet of vegetables, fruits and whole grains, she goes to the health food store and loads up on schwegan donuts, soy ice cream, not-dogs, and dairy-free cheese doodles.
2. "Wow, Kaya must be so healthy because she doesn't eat dairy, meat, eggs, or fish."
"No, not really, she is a total schwegan. All she eats is french fries, vegan donuts and diet coke."
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2.
Schwegan food is usually mass produced, wrapped in cellophane and sold in health food stores. Schwegan food can also be prepared as meals in restaurants whose sole purpose it is to cater to the needs of hungry vegans with foods that simulate the taste and texture of real meat and cheese.
People who eat schwegan also tend to drink dark beer, not comb their hair, and listen to Phish. These people not only eat, "schwegan" foods, they are "schwegan!" (Schwegans, despite insisting on non-violent, vegetarian, dairy free consumption, are known by their close friends and family members to secretly binge on cheese burgers and Ben and Jerry's.)
At the health food store, Kaya loaded up on schwegan items: vegan glazed donuts, vegan cookies, soy cheez pizza, pigless pigs in a blanket, and her favorite, vegan pastrami.
Tim was a total schwegan in college, he wouldn't eat meat or dairy but he lived off of tofu dogs, soy sausage, and rice dream ice cream.
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