Shakespeare

What is Shakespeare?


1.

Renaissance playwright who has been ruined by English teachers and academics who insist on over-analyzing his plays and sonnets.

Shakespeare wrote Hamlet to be ENJOYED not ripped apart in Lit class until it has no more meaning.

See kate

2.

William Shakespeare was a brilliant playwright who's works are the cause of constant bitching from people either too stupid to understand them, or too lazy to bother to try.

His most famous works being: Hamlet, Macbeth, and Othello. Which deal with (respectively): A depressed goth kid, Assassinating leaders, and interracial sex...if this isn't relevant to modern times I don't know what is.

OoooMGGGGGGG Shakespeare was the reason I H8ed english class!!!!!!11111111111111111

See shakespeare, hamlet, othello, macbeth, shakespear

3.

History's greatest playwright, and one of the greatest poets.

He used English like Hendrix used the guitar.

Just get an annotated version of one of Shakespeare's works if you can't understand it.

See poet, poetry, great, renaissance

4.

One of histories first signs of emo.

Canst thou, O cruel! say I love thee not,

When I against myself with thee partake?

Do I not think on thee, when I forgot

Am of myself, all tyrant, for thy sake?

Who hateth thee that I do call my friend?

On whom frown'st thou that I do fawn upon?

Nay, if thou lour'st on me, do I not spend

Revenge upon myself with present moan?

What merit do I in myself respect,

That is so proud thy service to despise,

When all my best doth worship thy defect,

Commanded by the motion of thine eyes?

But, love, hate on, for now I know thy mind;

Those that can see thou lovest, and I am blind.

--Shakespeare

See emo, sonnet, poetry, poem, play

5.

Undeniably the most influential man in the porno industry. By altering many of the titles from his thirty-seven plays, the Shakespearean theme in the bedroom--or anywhere else for that matter--has been an immediate success, beginning with 'The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet' (1969). Other raunchy adaptations of the famous bard's work consist of titles like: A Midsummer Night's Cream, A Midsummer's Wet Dream, A Midsummer Night's Creampie, King Rear, Loves Labia Licked, Hardcore Lady Macbeth, In The Flesh (an adaptation of Macbeth), Measure for Measure (involving two gay department store salesmen), The Taming of the Screw, Titties Andronicus, Ebony Andronicus, Much Ado About Nuttin', Two Gentlemen DO Verona, Two Gentlemen IN Verona, Two Gentlemen In Each Other, The Merchant of Penis, Penis and Adonis, The Merry Whores of Windsor, The Merry Wives of Bukkake, The Tragedy of Julius Creamer, Julius' Semen, As You Like It... Over and Over, As You Lick It, The Best Part of Henry VI, Anal Laments: Romeo and Juliet, Romeo and Julian, Hamlet's Hoe, Hamlet Gets a Handjob, X Hamlet, Twelfth Night of Sodomy, Measure for Pleasure, Othelia/The Whore of Venice Beach, Othello: Dangerous Desire, Alls Well When Swallowed Well, The Rape of Lucrecia, The Rape of Lucy, The Rape of Luke (disputable), The Temptress, The Two Horny Kinsman, Shannon Does Shakespeare, and The Sodomy of Cleopatra. These titles can be located on various sites, like IMDB, Radosh, and Panopticist for the release dates, etc. In 2001, the 'Bardcore' films were nominated for 10 Adult Video News Awards, including a best actress nomination for the porn legend Nina Hartley, as Titania. Amherst Professor Richard Burt is one of the most notable scholars studying Shakespeare-riffed porn--see richardburt for more information. And although the notorious poet is long since departed, his influences in the Porn Industry will not soon be forgotten--especially to those of us who enjoy masturbating to orgasmic shouts of Juliet in a horrible, yet fitting, Early Modern English accent. After all, it was Shakespeare who said it best: “making the beast with two backs” (Othello, I, i).

"The only other glimpse of Shakespeare comes when Othello wonders how Cassio got hold of Desdimona’s strawberry-spotted handkerchief. Or, in this version, her leopard-print thong." -Richard Burt

"Finally, an adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew for everyone who thought Ten Things I Hate About You was too cleverly written." -RB

"Shakespeare left the explicit sex out of his version, but you can imagine he’d approve of, for example, Lady Macbeth’s leather-dom style and Banquo’s ghost presiding over an hallucinatory orgy." -RB

"Montagues don’t fall in love with Capulets, they just have sex with them." -RB

“'My heart is Montague,' explains Mercutio, 'but my prick is nonpartisan.'” -RB

See shakespeare, porn, burt

6.

A guy who wrote good plays that confuses the hell out of amerians

"what the f*ck does Sonnet 36 mean? and what about 1-154?"

7.

A method of torture used by English teachers on their students for their own sick amusment and the cause of a surge of sparknotes users

did the teach give you shakespeare too?!

See death, hell, torture, mutiny, boring


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