What is Shit?
1.
1. One of the most popular swear/cuss/curse words/profanities
2. another word Feces. Poop. Dookie. Scheisse. Poo Poo. Brownies.
The Shit List:
The Ghost Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
The Clean Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.
The Wet Shit
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Shit
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose Shit
Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Shit
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log Shit
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Nororius Drinker Shit
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks Shit
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid Shit
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food Shit
A class all on its own.
The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock Shit
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's Over" Shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Ranger
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom Shit
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo Shit
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
The Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Olympic Shit
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.
The Back-To-Nature Shit
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit.
Premeditated Shit
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Shitzopherenia
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!
Energizer Vs. Duracell Shit
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
The Power Dump Shit
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The Liquid Plumber Shit
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)
The Spinal Tap Shit
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole" Shit
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Shit
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Shit
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny" Shit
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "What The Hell Died In Here?" Shit
Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There" Shit
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
"AW SHIT"
"I have to take a shit"
See
2.
A long, long time ago, they used to ship manure (containing largely feces) on boats around the mediterranian. Well, the cargo was always on the lowest deck. The problem was, the boats back then would be farely leaky, and water would get in. When water and manure mixed, it would produce a large amount of methane. Careless and unknowing crew members at night would carry torches, and if they went below deck with enough methane, the ship would explode. To solve this problem, they simply started shipping them above deck so any gas could go out into the atmosphere. To make sure this was done, manure-containers would be labeled with "S.H.I.T.". This of course, stands for "Ship High In Transit"
As for how it became a vulgar term for feces itself is beyond me.
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3.
1) When combined with "the," used to describe something that is the best, greatest.
2) Without a preceeding the, is use to describe something that is the worst.
1) Man, this weed is the shit! I can barely feel my feet!
2) Man, this weed is shit. It tastes like Oregano.
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4.
The Most Functional English Word
Well, it's shit...that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional
word in the English language.
Examples:
You can get shit-faced,
Be shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains.
With a little effort,
you can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit, Or
be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while
others can't tell the difference
between Shit and Shinola.
There are lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
There is bull shit,
horse shit and
chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
shoot the shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or
serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit,
and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit or
a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
have a mountain of shit, or find
yourself up shits creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you
fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,
it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit,
you don't need to know anything else!
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5.
Shit
Shit is a very old word, with an Old English root. *Scítan is the Old English word. It has cognates in most of the other Germanic languages and shares a common Germanic root with modern equivalents like the German scheissen.
*Scítan, however, doesn't appear in extant Old English texts and is only assumed to have existed in Old English. The verb to shit dates the Middle English period (c. 1308), and the noun form is from the 16th century. The interjection is of quite recent vintage, not found until the 1920s.
In 2002, an alleged acronymic origin for shit appeared on the Internet. According to this tale, the word is from an acronym for Ship High In Transit, referring to barges carrying manure. This is a complete fabrication and absurd on its face. All it takes to disprove it is to look up the word in any decent dictionary. Remember, anytime someone posits an acronymic word origin, chances are that it is utterly false.
--as explained on wordorigins
6.
Used as an apprpriate gesture of surprise,or disgust. When combined with certain words, the meaning can swing:
Prefix 'the' = Great
Prefix 'oh' = Forgotten or found out something
Suffix 'man' = Sympathy for oneself or other persons withint the vecinity or suprise, if voice raises octave
Suffic 'dude' = See above
"The shit"
"Oh Shit"
"Shit man!"
7.
Originally a slang term for fecal matter now commonly used as an all-purpose exclamation, noun, verb, adjective or adverb.
You don't get the shit unless you got the shit. And if you want the shit you gots to flaunt the shit. You gotta center the shit before you enter the shit. Make sure you choose the shit before you use the shit.
'Cause if you abuse the shit, you gonna lose the shit.
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