What is Skunk Ape?
1.
The Skunk Ape is one of the most dangerous creatures known to man. The Skunk Ape got its name from its huge body and its awful odor. It lives in the state of Florida, where it has been sighted many times.
The Skunk Ape is most deadly in the dark, where it gains all of its powers, in the daytime it is slowed down by its anti-photosynthetic cells. It has lunarsynthetic cells, which when energy is sent to it from the moonlight, its abilities increase 10 fold. With a raging torrent of energy flowing through its body, it is able to compress it's body and stretch its limbs, bones, and organs, to grab, strangle, and even simulate teleportation, by its fast stretching, it seems as though it has teleported.
The skunk ape reproduces asexually; by laying eggs, thus limiting its genetic versatility. This is the main reason the skunk ape has not evolved and retains its ancient mystic powers. The egg of the skunk ape is generally the size of a human head. The egg is green in color, and tends to glow in the dark.
When a Skunk Ape is seen the best thing to do is to arm yourself with any type of light. Flashlights and camera flashes work effectively in this situation, camera flashes stun and blind the skunk ape. The best option is to keep your eye and your light on it, if the light leaves it's fur for one second he could appear behind your back, and it's lights out for you.
I was at my friends house, and I noticed a skunk ape was peering through the window.
2.
A skunk ape is a hairy, stinky animal who roams the hills of Southen Maryland. A skunk ape tends to deny the fact that they are a skunk ape, often becoming aggressive with his less stinky prey who are only trying to warn others of the dangers surrounding this disgusting creature. Skunk apes generally are named Shawn (Sorry, its just a fact). They also tend to be extreme try-hards who feast on the blood of un-pubertized female humans
Dude, Shawn's been stinkin a lot more lately, I think he's a straight skunk ape.
See
3.
They have been known to wander desperately in need for affection from swamp rats. Due to the season when mating calls, Skunk Apes tend to follow their gut instincts by releasing the powerful odor to attract females. If you are seen when the Skunk Ape is releasing it's odors it might mistaken you for a mate. To defend yourself, you must place acorns in your nostrils to distract the beast, lay down in the fetal position, and think of Disney World. The Skunk Ape will proceed without showing interest to your mental breakdown.
P.S. - Skunk Apes are dangerous.
This article about the Skunk Ape written by yours truly,
Dr. Cunt Hair III
See
