Slipperman Edit Meaning

1.

SUPERMAN's aged uncle: a ubiquitous altruist, identifiable by his trademark SLIPPERS and shuffling gait.

A voluntary, free-lance social worker who offers aid to the world's troubled urban areas, SLIPPERMAN's comparatively modest achievements have always been overshadowed by those of his legendary superhuman nephew.

Eschewing the cape and superficial, sartorial elegance of his more famous junior, he yet cuts a noble - if slightly eccentric - figure in those mean streets down which a superman must go. Among his immediately-recognisable characteristicsare:

- a stooping, scrawny frame and prominent beer-belly;

- a grimy baseball cap, atop a wrinkled, balding, grey-haired head;

- two-days' beard growth;

- a benign, friendly smile, which displays a set of ill-fitting dentures and an ever-smouldering Marlboro drooping from the corner of his mouth;

- dark glasses, to protect his x-ray vision from the flashingof admiring females;

- a loose-fitting t-shirt, decorated with emblematic, ancient, beer and soup stains;

- baggy Bermuda shorts, from whose hip-pocket protrudes a rolled-up copy of THE OLDIE magazine*;

- cheap, dime-store socks, bearing the Superman motif (a birthday present from his devoted nephew);

- floppy, down-at-heel SLIPPERS, in the Glen Sporrantartan, offering comfort to his flat feet and fallen arches.

Today, at the advanced age of ninety-trillion-zillion-and-a-bit, he is forced to accept that his philanthropic efforts are increasingly circumscribed by certain physical infirmities. Avoiding unseemly haste, he shuffles rather than flies to his chosen assignments. He has become more familiar with viagra than krypton, although he does use a kryptonic inhalerto relieve his asthma. Affected by both agoraphobiaand claustrophobia, he also suffers from vertigo and avoids adventures in tall buildings, unless they have elevators.

However, despite these unsuperhuman frailties, he remains an inspiration to senior citizens everywhere and, indeed, THE original GREY POWER HERO.

Only last week, he helped an old lady across the busy Main Street in Urban Flats, Arkansas**, holding up the traffic with exemplary bravery - although halfway across, his memory failed him and he returned her to the original sidewalk.

The object of universal, if muted, admiration, SLIPPERMAN is soon to be awarded his own website. Meanwhile, fans will be fascinated to learn these further facts about their hero:

- Favourite film: Superman

- Favourite music: Superman theme

- Favourite place: Metropolis

- Favourite food: Soup

- Favourite book: Urban Dictionary

- Favourite dates: Mavis Nicholson and Beryl Bainbridge. ("When they're not available, I usually phone wee Kylie Minogue on her mobile.")

(*A literary organ of superior quality and universal appeal, published in Britain. See: theoldie)

(**The home-town of the young, award-winning Urban Dictionaryauthor Byron Platts.)

See slipperman, Persson

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